-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usualoh elite its been too long. i missed this place. but i come back and its not what i was in love with before i left. just all the old faces seem to have gone. this place isnt that same these days. but i have alot of good memories. from fighting in the forum with eggman and alan so long ago to the eletions to everything else. i have met some great people here and some i have got to know off this site. i will always love and remember this place. was the place i felt most at home in the entire universe for a long long time.
oh well guess i had better be off. things to do and all that. much love everyone. never forget you.
nameless (aint used that in so long)
ehh forget nameless
xxxx...Created 2005-07-31 18:52:04
-------------------------------------------Mood: Head Achingjust thought i would write something. aint written on elite in ages. cant stay long though i got an exam in half an hour. so going to fail. and its one i really need to pass. the ones 2 weeks ago were much easier. i was happy to fail psychology and geography is so easy even i could pass it blindfolded.
but biology is very difficult but i want to pass it and continue on to the second year after summer.
but if i do fail its the perfect excuse to drop out of colege. but yeah anyways had a shit weekend of regret and depression after making an arse of myself while wasted friday. still have hours of total memory loss but from what other people have said i was a complete dick. almost got my head kicked in. apparantly i deserved it too and it probably would have been better if i had been beaten up but i was saved. i had to be caried home by my friend curt. he had pulled and could have easily taken this girl home with him but insted he took his drunken mate home.
you know you got a good friend when he gives up a fuck to help you get home. i wouldnt have done it for him. but anyways i am now socialy awkward and a little scared to go down risca again. may charge me for the cleaning up of my vomit or people i harassed may beat me up who knows.
but i have given up alcahol for 50 days starting saturday. means the next time i will touch alcahol will be 23rd of july. my borthday. so till then i will be trying to stay sober to prove im not alcaholic and its just the drink causeing my insane split personality mr groper.
but anyways gtg. dont think anyone will ever read this elite is dead these days. but anyways off i go to college to fail. bye bye...Created 2005-06-06 02:45:28
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usualnobody reads journals, nobody leaves PMs, nobody chats. im takeing a break from elite. i will still pop in just wont bother with journals. if you have a strange need to know whats going on in my miserable life you can e-mail or message on:
BT yahoo e-mail (best): firstname.lastname@example.org
yahoo messenger: same as e-mail or nameless_nob0dy
hotmail e-mail: email@example.com
MSN messenger: firstname.lastname@example.org
will try to get back on here full time after exams and stuff. peace....Created 2005-05-16 09:36:04
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usualyeah so the mood swings are continueing. thursday i cheered up during the day and a nice chat with sam on MSN helped keep it going. just nice to find someone who likes some of the music i like. we had a nice little chat. shes a nice girl. so i was happy thursday and i resisted the depression to have quite a good day friday (yesterday) too. wore my lucky hat and i think it may have helped with my mock exams. but when i got home nobody was on msn or yahoo to talk to and this site is always dead. nobody talks to me these days so i got no PMs to reply to. just write some shit in the forum and leave for a few hours till someone writes something back.
so last night wasnt too bad. but after a while caz got on msn. i was in a bad mood and bitched at her which i had to apologise alot for later. i just dont like her sometimes. its like she is constantly seeking attention. we all know the sort. insecure attention seeking girls who play the slut to get attention from guys. but she is okay really. we all have our insecurities and we all seek attention sometimes. i am as bad as anyone else. but i had a go at her and later had to apologise. but shes a nice person she forgave me. just my mood swings and the internet means i dont hold back as i do face to face. i tell people what i think even if its horrable.
well anyways i didnt have a d#very good sleep last night and i woke up early. decided to watch the united states of leland. its a very good film. and now i think im going to watch eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. i dont like kate winslet in it, i think they could of got a much better actress to play that part but the story makes up for it.
so thats my plans for a little while. i will try to write something again later.
peace and love. bye...Created 2005-05-14 06:44:47
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usualmood swing again. starting to get a little down now. gona go get some sleep rather than sit here wait for the real sepression to kick in....Created 2005-05-11 17:42:54
-------------------------------------------Mood: Dead Sexystayed out late last night down the pub. totaly sober tough. had 4 drinks but with the meal it didnt have much effect. but we played some pool with an old drunk. he may have been old and drunk but his hands were steady as a rock and he could play left handed. he was a real pro. knew exactly how to leave the white on the cush and stuff. i beat him once out of 3 games but that was luck. i am just a stun shot player. not cut out for big boy games. i lost about £3 to the old guy. but it was good. didnt get home till 12:30 and then got on here for a little while. i didnt get to bed till 1:16am. and i just woke up at 8:15. but im feeling mighty fine.
anyone seen the film hasppy gilmore? well you know to focus himself he goes to his happy place. yesterday as a joke when me and curt were playing pool we were doing that. and just thinking of that level of happiness cheers me up. and i had a dream last night of this happy place. so im a little tired but im in a dead sexy mood. and thats even though i didnt have time for a bath yesterday.
but who cares i am will and i am a sex god. see yall later....Created 2005-05-11 02:48:10
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usualso when you close your eyes,
before you go to sleep,
i hope you realise babe, yeah,
just how lost you were,
just how found with me you could be.
some of the best lyrics i ever heard. by a tiny band i found on the internet called dont die cindy.
very good stuff....Created 2005-05-10 02:56:25
-------------------------------------------Mood: Lonelyjust had an idea for a poem that i really want to write.
you know those peep show booths? you know where you can go and watch lesbians have sex in a glass box and stuff. well its kind of about getting a peep show view of perfect couples.
you know when there is a great girl you know and a great guy and you see them having a great time as happy as can be and your ready to slit your wrists?
i saw this photo a little while ago of this couple looking really happy and i am always being told about how much fun they have and how much sex they have and how much they love eachother and stuff.
i mean they are both 16 and in a serious loving sexual relationship. they are enjoying their teenage years and i hate them for it. while im in bed miserable ass hell going to sleep so alone and wishing i was dead she is cuddled up to him and they are happy and in love. its jelousy. i am totaly green with envy. i mean they are both great people from what i know of them and they deserve their happiness but i dont see why i dont deserve happiness like that.
and this poem i want to write is just about seeing happy people peep shows everywhere and being envious.
i mean i would quite happily sell my soul, cut off my balls, kill myself afterwards or anything else for on month of that kind of love.
i just feel like writting about what im feeling.
there is this song i have been listening to alot recently. its about how everyone gets what they deserve. sort of like the karma thing. if you are happy its because you have done good and if you are miserable you deserve it.
one of the main lines is 'and thats what realy hurts, and thats what really hurts, you get what you deserve.'
and thats what i feeling at the moment. do i deserve this. am i that bad a person? did i do something so terrible? is this punishment for a past life?
and seeing people who are happy makes it even worse.
so i want to write something about all these feelings. just seeing this one little picture. happy guy with great happy girl and guitar and smiling and everything else. just makes me wonder why that cant be me. where did i go wrong.
why is that guy got a smile from ear to ear and i want to run a razor blade from ear to ear.
why cant life be fair. and if life is fair what did i do to diserve this.
and now all this thinking is getting me into all that suicidal thoughts depression shit so i will leave it there and go to bed. later guys....Created 2005-05-09 18:38:43
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usualyesterday for a little while i was really miserable. everything was fine and it was a beautiful sunny day but i locked myself away in my room with the thick curtains closed and watched depressing TV. i looked out the windon and could see kids playing football down the park and birds at the bird table. everything was wonderful and i wished that the weather would change to suit my mood i sudden thunder storm and torential rain, thick black skies blocking out the sun and a chilling wind.
then this morning i woke up feeling great. came downstairs had a shower then put the computer and danced around in a towel singing along to somebodys baby which is a real upbeat popy song. the weather was great and everything fit.
then i left then i left the house to walk to the bank and the skies clouded over and there were a few drips of rain but i was determind to be happy. by the time i got to geography i wasnt feeling that great but i kept smiling hoping things would be ok. we went to the pub it was ok. i actualy recieved a complement which for me is an anual event.
caroline said 'you know you aint actualy that bad a guy when your drunk'. nicest thing i have heard in ages. but then she pointed out i was sober.
but anyways i was still trying to be happy in psychology but it was pretty hard. the work sucks and i dont get it and i cant be fucked most the time.
but at 3 the time came for me to walk home. and as i walked out of the door it started pissing down with rain. i got soaked walking home and as soon as i got inside the rain stopped and not there are birds singing and the suns shining.
sometimes the weather pisses me off. why cant i chose how the weather is each day. there would still be plenty of rain and sun so plants would grow and everything its just the times would be different. so i would make it rain just as some middle aged ass wipe puts the top down on his car.
okay well i just walked to put some food in the microwave. and listening to counting crows has made me want to write something. i really love counting crows. very good songs. long december and Mr jones both kick ass....Created 2005-05-09 10:26:56
-------------------------------------------Mood: I won!yeah so as most of you know i went out last night. so here is the story of the drunken escapades.
i got off the computer around 5:45 had a shower tidied myself up and stuff. i lef tthe house at about 6:55 clean, tidy, smelling good and down right irresistable.
i was suposed to be in the mercial at 7 but i was about 10 minutes late. caz and curt were already there and half way through a drink. we had a chat then decided to go to the mertle and have a round there. risca was busy as hell. it was a really nice evening and everywhere was busy.
in the mertle i had a smern off ice, curt had a vodka and coke and caz had a glass of wine. the girl may look like a angst teen bum in her hoddies and baggy jeans but she drinks wine and is damn smart. but anyways i had a sip of her wine and almost spat it all over the place. i hate wine especialy whites. tastes like vinigar.
we put money on the table and curt and caz played pool. we were going to play more but the guys had to come into set up the kareoke (or however its spelt. the japanese art of making an ass of yourself for the amusment of others. i made curt promise me he wouldnt let me try to have a go.
we had rum and cokes while playing pool then got JDs and cokes and cigars and went outside. im not sure exactly why we had cigars but i mentioned them when caroline borrowed a fag off a stranger. so we sat out in the beer garden with out drinks smoking cigars. i cant smoke it just makes me cough so i wasnt takeing it back. we were just messing around. i hadnt eaten anything since breakfast so i was getting drunk quick and i ended up smoking through my nose. dont try it it burns like hell.
after we finnished out drinks me and caroline decided it would look cool if we walked back to the mercial with cigars so whats what we did. we took a break in a car park so i could jump over a barier thing. i did it last week while drunk and caroline said she would buy my next round if i did it so i did.
but eventualy we got to the mercial. it was packed. there were people everywhere. caroline was caliming to be totaly sober but she seemed a little hyper. she was either a little drunk or being one hell of alot friendlier than usual.
caroline and curt went to fight through the crowd to get drinks and i stood by the duke box because it was the only square in of space free. i cant remember what the drinks were but it was some sort of spirit and coke. might have been southern comfort or JD or anything else i dont remember. but we sat by the pool table talking. then curt went to get the next lot of drinks and i had a talk with caroline. she had to leave at 9:30 to go to a party. i was drunk so i was asking her if i could go. i spent about 5 minutes trying to convince her but it was a definate no.
curt came back from the bar with taboo. it was a very sweet drink. strong and in doubles. we drank then caroline had to go get a lift to this party thing. she hugged curt saying goodbye and then hugged me and said cos im special i get to slap her bum too. i wasnt complaining. but that confirmed caroline was either drunk a little bit or in a very friendly mood.
after she left i spent about 10 minutes looking at the spot she had stood thinking. partly the drink and partly the hormones but i was feeling all sad and lovey dovey about caroline. but it was just the drink and stuff. not serious.
me and curt had our drinks then another 1 or 2 rounds. at least one i had j2o which is non alcaholic orange stuff.
after that we went for a walk back to the mertle. by then i was quite drunk and had beer goggles firmly on. we walked back down the road. i sat on the big old postbox outside the post office for a minute singing at the people walking by.
but i got down and we went to the mertle. for some reason curt got me a glass of wine and he got himself god know what and coke.
we went out into the beer garden i put my wine on the table curt sat down kicked the table and sent my glass of wine flying. but that was good i probably would have been sick if i had drank it. curt downeds his drink and we decided to go to the mill. we didnt want to walk thorugh the pub so curt left via the open gate. i in my infinate drunken wisdom decided to climb over a 10 foot wall after going down the slide in the kids area. i jumped off it and fell on my ass. but i got up and we went to the mill. kyle was there and i hate him so i decided to should gey boy at the top of my lungs at him. curt saw rachael, his first love and got all depressed. but anyways i dont remember too much about the mill but we had 1 or 2 drinks then went and stood outside to wait for a lift home. i was jumping on glass bottles and saying sorry to everyone that walked past.
but anyways curt sorted out the lift and we waited. i decided to run off and curt had to chase me. the only way he could get me back was by threatening to phone my mum. so i went back and we sat outside the councel offices. i decided to do running jumps into a big bush and now have a big cut on my hip and little cuts on my hands. i confessed to curt that i had a secret love. then he asked who and i wouldnt tell. he listed a bunch of people and i said no to them all even though me mentioned caroline who i had spent the night thinking about and some othr girls i like.
but anyways i dsont remember this all too well its all blury. but the lift came and he took me home. i spent the time insulting the guy driving and insisting he call me MR will. but he threatened me. but i managed to walk to my house with some ehlp rather than having to be caried like most times.
but yeah i got changed and got to bed. didnt sleep well but did get a few hours eventualy.
and thats it. or at least what im remember. im sure monday i will find out about other things i dont remember but right now the memories aint too bad. i didnt grope anyone at least.
okay well its 9:33pm and im going to go for a late night walk to clear all these confusing thoughts of caroline. damn my hormones are being a bitch right now. lots of confused feelings about females.
but anyways im going for my walk. i will try to write some more tomorrow inform you of what i get told about last night.
peace and love bye....Created 2005-05-08 15:37:30
Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.