Journal: Skyline Pigeon -------------------------------------------Mood: This mood is too deep for me to handle Turn me loose from your hands Let me fly to distant lands Over green fields, trees and mountains Flowers and forest fountains Home along the lanes of the skyway For this dark and lonely room Projects a shadow cast in gloom And my eyes are mirrors Of the world outside Thinking of the way That the wind can turn the tide And these shadows turn from purple into grey For just a skyline pigeon Dreaming of the open Been waiting for the day He can spread his wings And fly away again Fly away, skyline pigeon, fly Towards the dreams You've left so very far behind Just let me wake up in the morning To the smell of new mown hay To laugh and cry, to live and die In the brightness of my day I want to hear the pealing bells Of distant churches sing But most of all please free me From this aching metal ring And open out this cage towards the sun For just a skyline pigeon Dreaming of the open Been waiting for the day He can spread his wings And fly away again Fly away, skyline pigeon, fly Towards the dreams You've left so very far behind ...Created 2007-01-20 18:05:34

Journal: Empathy -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual Have we come of age to this? Is this all we'll ever get? Hidden truth and lies and blame. Said you bleed a poor man's blood, But it's not yours mixed with the mud. You could never die like that. Grace to thee Empathy May you never sleep well again It's a larger frame we need. Here's a picture incomplete. You're a tragedy at best. As it falls apart you'll see It's a shame it couldn't be I guess someone else knew better. Grace to thee Empathy May you never sleep well again Grace to thee And empathy May you never sleep well again Little angels left by the roadside, smile Grace to thee Empathy May we never sleep well again ~Crosstide~ ...Created 2006-04-27 19:44:57

Journal: Goodbye My Love -------------------------------------------Mood: In Love Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the Judge's frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun. Yes I saw you were blinded, and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right. Took your soul out into the night. It may be over but it won't stop there. I am here for you if you'd only care. You touched my heart, you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when My heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your hand. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you. Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me I am a dreamer, and when I wake You can break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me. Remember us and all we used to be. I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I've watched you sleeping for a while. I'd be the father of your child. I'd spend a lifetime with you. I know your fears and you know mine. We've had our doubts but not we're fine. And I love you, I swear that's true. I cannot live without you. Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me And I still hold your hand in mine In mine when I'm asleep And I will bare my soul in time When I'm kneeling at your feet Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me ~James Blunt~ (STEVE! Did you download his stuff yet? Every day you wait is a day wasted, I tell you man! Thanks for the concert. A dose of you and Crosstide did me a world of good.) ...Created 2006-04-26 22:27:08

Journal: Becoming Me: -------------------------------------------Mood: Here and there Tears And Rain How I wish I could surrender my soul; Shed the clothes that become my skin See the liar that burns within my needing. How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold. How I wish I could scream out loud, Instead I found no meaning. I guess it's time I run far, far away Find comfort in pain, All pleasure's the same; it just keeps me from trouble. Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray. I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble. It's more than just words, it's just tears and rain. How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind. Hold memory close at hand, Help me understand the years. How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell. How I wish I could save my soul. I'm so cold from fear. I guess it's time I run far, far away Find comfort in pain All pleasure's the same; it just keeps me from trouble. Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray. I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble. Far, far away Find comfort in pain All pleasure's the same; it just keeps me from trouble. Hide's my true shape, like Dorian Gray. I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble. It's more than just words; it's just tears and rain. ~James Blunt~ (Steve, download every single song done by this man. He's an inch away from Crosstide status. I'm in luuuv!) ...Created 2006-04-21 18:10:14

Journal: New Stuff -------------------------------------------Mood: In Love If You Could Read My Mind If you could read my mind, love What a tale my thoughts could tell Just like an old time movie 'Bout a ghost from a wishing well In a castle dark or a fortress strong With chains upon my feet You know that ghost is me And I will never be set free As long as I'm a ghost you can't see If I could read your mind, love What a tale your thoughts could tell Just like a paperback novel The kind the drugstores sell When you reach the part where the heartaches come The hero would be me But heroes often fail And you won't read that book again Because the ending's just too hard to take I'd walk away like a movie star Who gets burned in a three way script Enter number two A movie queen to play the scene Of bringing all the good things out in me But for now, love, let's be real I never thought I could act this way And I've got to say that I just don't get it I don't know where we went wrong But the feeling's gone And I just can't get it back If you could read my mind, love What a tale my thoughts could tell Just like an old time movie 'Bout a ghost from a wishing well In a castle dark or a fortress strong With chains upon my feet But stories always end And if you read between the lines You'll know that I'm just trying to understand The feeling's that you lack I never thought I could feel this way And I've got to say that I just don't get it I don't know where we went wrong But the feeling's gone And I just can't get it back ~Gordon Lightfoot~ ...Created 2005-12-05 02:52:48

Journal: **sigh** -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual You are my sunshine My only sunshine You make me happy When skies are gray You'll never know, dear How much I love you Please don't take My sunshine away The other night, dear As I lay sleeping I dreamed I held you In my arms But when I woke up I was alone, dear And I hung my head down And cried ...Created 2005-11-25 12:40:50

Journal: Vacation -------------------------------------------Mood: In Love Hiya everyone. It feels like it's been years since I've been on here. What's new? I'll have to re-establish my place in this group I got a new job a few weeks ago (yes, dancing again) and for the most part, I'm really enjoying it. Most of the girls I work with are, unfortunately, like stereotypical strippers. I know which one is a coke head, which one is an alcoholic, which one stays with a man who beats her, which one has four babies by four different daddies. It saddens me that I've become so numb to them and their life stories. Anyways... The past few weeks have been so busy. Too busy, really. Between working all week and having Arick's daughter every weekend, I felt myself coming close to a precarious little edge...I was sure that I would snap and get into a bar fight or something. So this passed weekend, Arick and I went away for the first time in months. Oh glorious moments! First we went up to my grandparents property in the middle of the forest (it was a family day up there...everyone came) Those are the woods I grew up in, and it was nice to finally show my lover where my home really is. I took him down the little path that was beaten in by little feet years before to the pond that I've described so many times. I haven't been to that spot in well over a year, but it's always hard for me. I could still see us as children, trying to build a stick house, picking up pretty rocks for a collection that we were never serious about. I told Arick the story of how I broke my toe there for the first time. He laughed with me, and he stood in silence with me and allowed me to shed my tear and say hello to memories. After that, we headed to the beach, my other home. Now Arick and I are a pretty laid back couple. We play monopoly and read and watch cartoons (or rather, he watches the cartoons with me lol) but when we get a chance to be rowdy, we make the most of it. Windows down, music blaring, singing at the tops of our lungs. It was such a nice weekend. We stayed in a tiny hotel off the main strip in Newport, and played our asses off in Lincholn City. We went to a casino and had some drinks and lost some money and met a fabulous old beat-nick named Fred. We had dinner in a resturant that has a wall of glass over looking the ocean and ate things that we won't be able to afford to eat again for a long time Gambled some more, lost more money, then called it a night and went back to our hotel. We ended up staying up a little later than we thought....but ya'll don't need to know about that part ;) The next morning we got up obscenely early (who ever thought of a 11 am check out time???) and went to downtown Newport. Our favorite show in the world is "Ripley's, Believe It Or Not", of course, and the only Ripley's museum in Oregon is in Newport. I was a bit disappointed, but it was smaller than I thought it would be. But it was still a blast. After that we got some coffee and walked along the docks and stared at the ocean and talked to the sea lions ten feet below us. They're such show-offs. Then we went into the Wax Works Museum...that was alot of fun. I was wishing that my 8 year old nephew was with us. He would have loved it. Then we drove home. I know this is long, and I don't really expect alot of you to read all of it. I'm mostly writing it for myself, so I can go back and re-live it whenever I want. It was just what we both needed...to get away and have big-kid time. We're ready to get back into our routine now. I've got some catching up to do with all of you Talk to you soon Be Well ...Created 2005-10-10 14:56:24

Journal: One Tin Soldier -------------------------------------------Mood: Sad Listen, people, to a story That was written long ago About a people on a mountain And the valley far below On the mountain was a treasure Burried deep beneath a stone And the valley people swore That they would have it for their own So the people of the valley Sent a message up the hill Asking for the burried treasure And the gold for which they'd kill Came an answer from the mountain "With our brothers we shall share All the secrets of the mountain And the treasure burried there" So the people of the valley said "Mount your horses and draw your swords" And they killed the mountain people So they won their just rewards As they stood beside the treasure On the mountain, dark and red Turned the stone and looked beneath it "Peace On Earth" was all it said So go ahead and hate your neighbor Go ahead and cheat a friend But do it in the name of Heaven You can justify it in the end But you won't hear any trumpets blowing Come that judgement day On the bloody morning after One tin soldier rides away ------------------------------------------------------- I have no idea who wrote this song. I can't find it anywhere. But when Jane and I were kids, her father used to sit with us and play his acoustic guitar and sing this song for us (it was always either this or "Stairway To Heaven"...Mr. Daniel's had a beautiful voice) I haven't sung it in ages (mostly because I have a horrible singing voice) but it still brings tears of happiness to my eyes. Ah, good times. ...Created 2005-09-01 17:17:43

Journal: Arg -------------------------------------------Mood: Rant Oye vey, it's been ages since I've been here. What took me so damn long? I've set aside my pen and paper the last few weeks, and today I feel the strain of having kept everything in my brain instead of puting it on paper where it belongs. Writers block or I just feel harried, I'm not sure. (I was bit by a spider last night in my bed, on my wrist, and it's really freaking me out...lol, stop laughing at me!) My lover is about to go to court with his ex-bitch for custody of their 2 year old daughter. I find myself in an entirely new position here. I've only had one lover before that had a child...but her child was 3 years older then I was at the time lol, so it doesn't really count. I raised my two nephews, and I'm very close to them and my two nieces, so it's not like I'm a flunk with kids. Kids adore me. I wrestle with them But this...this is different. This is a role, a new role, that I'm Very much not used to. And it's heavy, I tells ya. I like Josie alot. She's a neat kid who speaks Russian. And I think she likes me. But, I wonder and worry, will she grow up thinking of me as the evil step-mother? Arick's lawyer just called us a while ago. Nino (the ex-bitch) wants to know my criminal history. Which, surprisingly enough, is very minimal. She's seen me once...and she told Her lawyer that she thinks we're taking drugs because I have tattoos and piercings. Laugh it up, dear friends, we deffinately are. What a miserable excuse for a human being, and a mother at that. She wants full custody of Josie, but she knows that the judge won't grant that. So now she's grasping for something...anything...to keep Josie and Arick apart. It's really quite amusing. And we're not worried in the least. *sigh* Women suck lol ...Created 2005-08-08 16:16:50

Journal: Pictures Of You -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual I've been looking so long at these pictures of you That I almost believe that they're real I've been living so long with my pictures of you That I almost believe that the pictures Are all I can feel Remembering You standing quiet in the rain As I ran to your heart to be near And we kissed as the sky fell in Holding you close How I always held close in your fear Remembering You running soft through the night You were bigger and brighter and whiter than snow And screamed at the make-believe Screamed at the sky And you finally found all your courage To let it all go Remembering You falling into my arms Crying for the death of your heart You were stone white So delicate Lost in the cold You were always so lost in the dark Remembering You how you used to be So drowned in your Angels So much more then everything Hold for the last time then slip away quietly Open my eyes But I never see anything If only I'd thought of the right words I could have held on to your heart If only I'd thought of the right words I wouldn't be breaking apart All my pictures of you Looking so long at these pictures of you But I never hold on to your heart Looking so long for the words to be true But always just breaking apart My pictures of you There was nothing in the world That I ever wanted more Than to feel you deep in my heart There was nothing in the world That I ever wanted more Than to never feel the breaking apart All my pictures of you ~The Cure~ ...Created 2005-07-29 19:22:27

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