Mood: The UsualThe world stood still for a moment, and yet it wasn't enough. Time had no meaning, and yet the hours seemed to past as swiftly as the days when my heart refused to beat. Yet, no matter how much love we gave, it was never be enough. So today, my world refuses to move forward, and I have yet to regain my balance.
~Thinking~
<3...Created 2009-11-19 15:04:27
nikki: wanting to crash reallllly soon so so sooo tired and ill and wonderful and beautiful and annoyed with facebookcauseitwontletmeonthefuckingthing how bout you?
RandomPerson: fb is the devil
RandomPerson: did you just call yourself wonderful and beautiful?
nikki: mhmm
RandomPerson: you forgot humble
nikki: I'm the most modest person in the world, it's a hard ability to have when I'm absolutely fantastic
RandonPerson: i bow before your mighty humility
RandomPerson: your humility of might
RandomPerson: and power
RandomPerson: humility of doom!
nikki: FEEEEEEEEEEEEEER MEEEEEEEEE BUWAHAHAHA
RandomPerson: never!
RandomPerson: my ego will surely defeat your puny modesty
nikki: HA HA HA! I laugh in the face of your own tiny itsy bitsy lil ego. I shall poke it with a skittle -pokepokepoke-
RandomPerson: my ego increases its power with every success! today i tied my own shoes! BAM! ego grows... bathed myself. BAM! got to work on time... BAM! my ego is huge!
nikki: HA!
RandomPerson: i can hear the fear in your voice.... tremble mortal! doom has come!!!!!!!!
nikki: What you think is fear, is nothing short of contempt! I laugh at your pitiful attempt at bow ties on your feetsies! I giggle at how you think you actually bathed yourself! WHEN REALLY! IT WAS ME WHO DID IT ALL ALONG!!!!!!!!
nikki: ...o....o...
nikki: sounded slightly less creepier in my head >.>
RandomPerson: wait
RandomPerson: you bathed me?
RandomPerson: and that makes you giggle?
nikki: mmmmhm whats that do for your ego now?!
nikki: blam bish i win=3
RandomPerson: im not sure which is worse, that you bathed me or that it made you giggle
JoelIsHere: You lost your voice? Good. Now no one'll hear you moan, Nikki. -Takes Nikki into the back and instead of moans, shattering vases and loud thuds are heard.-
Nikita2u: -said shattering of vases and loud thuds are from Joel's head being bashed into a wall and vases being thrown at him while a distinct sound of a chainsaw is heard roaring to life-
:D :D :D :D Never EVER mess with a sick Mexican, we shank people =3
JoelIsHere: Oh, so we're playing rough and dirty, eh? -Is louder than the chainsaw or the thuds. I can play too. -Grabs the chainsaw and sends it to the Dream Dimension, where he's sure that the Prometheus Effect will take place; meanwhile grabs Nikki by the hair, throws her down and bites her shoulder.-
Niktia2u: Hmm...
let's see...should I desecrate my love for cheese...all for the sake of pain....nawh >.>
-Grabs a random persons sword and starts whacking him upside the head while going into full mexican mode and looking for a sharpened toothbrush to shank with-
:D
-lifts up Kors couch and sets it on fire and throws it at Joel's head and summons an army of eyebrowless spiders and men from the marginally holy church of lemons while screaming freedom and running halfway nekkid across the room while throwing random goats at innocent bystanders-...Created 2009-11-15 21:36:56
Mood: The Usualholy crap you guys.
I've been sick (no not with the piggy flue :D) for the past week, at first I thought it was because of the lack of sleep till I got a monstrous evil cough of evilness that basically sent me to my knees T_T the bastard.
anyway
Yesterday I went to bed at 4 pm..and I just woke up...five minutes ago...IE 9:02 am (yes I looked at the clock in disbelief when I woke up)
Now i feel like I'm full of cotton T_T
rawr
weird little tidbit anyway byes
...Created 2009-11-15 08:08:11
Mood: The UsualAh the weekend, is there anything so beautiful as the first light of a Saturday morning while laying in bed with a nice book right next to you?
hmm my lazy day, what shall I do for this? Blah I still need to catch up with NaNoWriMo, my laziness needs to be made up for that.
I need some more music, any ideas passed my way would be greatly appreciated.
Blah really I have nothing to exciting to say, but hell I'm happy content and in love with being able to sleep more than three hours a day ^_^
Mood: The UsualOkay so today someone reminded me about NaNoWriMo.
I've decided to join this year. And HOPEFULLY!!! I'll make it to the full 50,000 words. Any support is welcomed by now because I'm nervous and excited and and if you want to join this I'd love you forever xD
anyway here's a link and it starts tonight at Midnight.
Unless you're somewhere else in the world and November First has already gone by and well...It starts November 1st.
Mood: The UsualFor the past few weeks I've been working at Kohls.
A lot of interesting things happen there, it's kinda weird. Everyone is so creepily nice. It kind of scares me at some points. I've met a crap load of people who are amazing and there is a person named PJ xD awesome name I swear.
hmm what else. oh I've been addicted to not sleeping. Like I would be so nervous about missing work I'd stay up all night to make sure I was up and got there in time.
I've been waking up between 3:30 am to 4:00 am.
There are a list of people that I've missed since I've left and yeah, thanks for all the awesome messages everyone I really appreciate it.
So catch me up peoples? what have I missed and how are all of you?
Smile damn it!
I mean I'm here, that alone should cause a little lift of said lips
Mood: The UsualSo I'm back, if that much wasn't obvious >.>
Spent a few days downstate. Saw the old town, haven't been there in three years actually, if not a bit longer.
What scares me is that, I loved that place so much growing up. It was my own personal hell with a few scattering of angels. Those angels now all have children of their own and are high school drop outs. I guess not much changes through the generations. My cousin has become a very prominate dealer, a lucrative business in that place. I guess that's something. Most of my family members are bums. But god do i love them.
My little brother has run away again.
No one knows where he is.
My other brother bryan is disinterested in me as always. Though he was like that before the brain damage, so really it's not a total surprise.
hmm what else. I saw my sister Jada and Katie. Katie looks like she's about to explode from that baby inside her. Jada, well she's having fun with life. Dating every now and again and getting herself out there.
I never had the courage that she has. I feel sick right now. Hopefully it's a 24 hour bug though. Send your best my way please, I hate feeling like this.
My Uncle Bob looks so hopped up on pills and other hard forms of drugs...I'm surprised he lasted this long.
And now to the heart of the matter...
I realized my tendency to hate only lasts through distance. My aunt who took my brothers away, I saw her when I was down state. I avoided her for close to four years...close, but not long enough. I hate it that I'm starting to forgive her. I hate myself very much actually. It tears me apart knowing that they were better in fostercare than with our own mom, and I'd never admit this to her. It would break her heart. But everything these days seem too. I saw Kaleigha for the first time, I don't know if that's how you spell it...
I wish I had the energy to detest someone, really, I dislike being able to forgive so easily. It just opens you up to have your heart torn out again by the same people. No matter how many times I'm put through the grinder I seem to forgive the person who pushed me into the blades.
I'm really really tired.
And sick at heart.
I wonder how long it took me to get to this state? To be emotionally detached from a place I loved so much. I walked down the same streets that I walked from the ages of 14/15-17...This place was...beautiful.
Now all I see is a washed up town with people who have no prospects in life...it doesn't have a hold over me anymore. I even glanced at the place I wished to live. My dream home, and felt nothing.
I wonder if that will spread, and maybe I wont have to forgive anyone any more. Maybe I just wont care and can pack a single suitcase and leave them all behind, and never miss them again?
I also wonder if I could truly handle being in that state.
I guess you never know till you learn for yourself.
Journal: 
