|Journal: hold on, let go|
-------------------------------------------Mood: Sigh...There are many things I must learn to contend with, with in my self. I just can't go on ignoring the blatant facts of my follies any longer. My procrastination is one, if I side step any task, whether be here posting a new poem, or something I have to do at work, I can no longer go on ignoring what it is i want to do jus for the fact I dread doing it.......more on this later...Created 2006-11-03 12:23:17
-------------------------------------------Mood: ZZzzzz,,,...___I am currently working towards things that are, well, quite rapidly being revealed to me. The funny thing is that i dont quite know why it is NOW that these realizations.......these utter appifinies! (i so mispelled that i know) are now popping up like extra buttered red n' bocker. But non-the-less, God truly works in mysterious (i merely mean God as the unknown force of the universe.) For so long deep rooted dpression and low-self esteem was teeming in every aspect of my life. i still struggle with it every time i realize there is something i truly want. Wether be jus to accomplish something, a goal I have considered, that lady who has caught my attentions, what ever the case my conciense always seems to wanna tell me jus how imppossible it is. I am in fact a people pleaser. I love serving and helping not jus my friends but who ever may want it. I seemingly feel the need to go to great lengths to please others, but when it comes to my self, when its please Rob time I'm at complete war with my self. Nothing seems more mortifying to me then failing someone. I now see that I need to grasp hold of what i want....if life were a candle, I would be the moth, indeed not even dare to be the flame! My work is hard, money is shorter than bushes long term memory, my family is finally seeing that i am making the correct choices in life.....yet they want more. For to be the flame would mean that i would Have to begin to deny others. Maybe not right away but somewhere down the line I have to skip out on the "ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL!" I must choose now that to please only others would be cheating my self, and the world of what i could truly become. Well im sure this subject should be given more scrutiny, but for now that is all. I'm dead ass tired and the soft inviting bed calls me to it. All be well, and be well blessed. ...Created 2006-10-20 03:07:37
Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.