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    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    there is too much inside of me, i need to release
    i want to get it all out and just watch myself bleed
    this need that is there,
    no one cares
    i feel so ugly
    ashamed of myself
    want to run...some place else
    no way to leave, no where to go
    no one can help you
    when you feel this alone

    ...Created 2013-07-18 01:34:05

    dotsJournal: Later Todaydots
    Mood: Too much at once...

    My child is now one years old. She is so beautiful and she's grown up so much already. I don't ever want to stop hugging her or giving her kisses. And now god has touched me again and brought me and savanna's father back together and now grows another awesome mistake inside of me...I only hope that one day life will stabalize for me one day. As for now, I work hard to make sure we have money for the things we need and try to take my time to enjoy my family.

    ...Created 2010-02-25 13:07:21

    dotsJournal: Up Commingdots
    Mood: Thinking...

    Iam nine months pregnant and awaiting the new arrival. Everynight i seem to think to myself, 'Is tonight going to be the night?' and i seem to sit around and feel as though I'm waiting for the day my life will change for the rest of my life. I am afraid of many things in this world but right now the thing that I fear the most is that i will not be a good mother. And what's worse I fear is that fact that i don't really want to be a mother at all; that is not how i view my baby comming into this world anyway. I don't see myself as becoming a mother; I see myself as having love and joy finally enter my life. God help me i love kids and i knew i would have my own one day, but i fear that the child i have will grow to hate me for not staying with the father. I feel so bad about not staying with him, but my heart wasn't allowing me to love him and i had to end it for me and him. I hope one day they both can forgive me.

    (This is only to express my thoughts for the moment)

    ...Created 2009-01-20 15:25:24

    dotsJournal: The worlddots
    Mood: Sigh...

    And what can i say about it? I'll tell the only thing that i can about this place...the world is an open wound, and it won't stop bleeding; we all sit around and watch our inevitable doom slip away with the maroon streaming rivers of hate and war and industry and keep watching until the world runs out of oxygen and ice and the the eventual ending of blood:the inevitable end of life on earth brought by our own withered and worn down hands.

    ...Created 2008-02-16 17:38:14

    dotsJournal: jesus christdots
    Mood: Angry

    what the hell is wrong with everyone?......comment whatever you want...but if you are going to tell me it's shit...or that it's a miscellaneous piece of crap and is a disgrace to all forms of art then you can just go ahead and not comment i will of course take constructive criticism but not plain bulshit....give me your advise or whatever but i don't wanna hear shit that ain't going to help me..if ya don't like it..say..i don't like it and this is why..not i didn't liek it because it's a piece of you wanna do that...come do it to my face

    ...Created 2008-02-11 16:42:30

    dotsJournal: at lastdots
    Mood: Thinking...

    At long last i have been able to look in the mirror...i still see things that shift my eyes away but for the time being i don't feel as though the reflection inside is my enemy. I have for so long felt i was walking around in a revolting fat suit and it just wasn't me, but i'm alright not...i have found peace in myself (for now) and i kind of like being me. I still find that there is nothing in life that i want and i don't want to do anything but i keep on going to see what tomorrow will bring. I only hope i can acomplish something with all of this; all of this depression and sadness, or am i just in denial?

    ...Created 2007-09-06 20:03:28

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    January 10 07
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