-------------------------------------------Mood: Lonelysometimes i think about that oen wall on the freeway and compare it to my heart
i know that's a little self-centered but i realized that everyone is. life is about being self-centered; you don't discover someone else's reason for living...life is all about you.
anyways, there was this beautiful wall by the freeway. it was one that wasn't trashed by graffiti or immaturity or hate. it was a work of art. i don't know who the artist was, or what possessed them to paint it, but i remember the different faces of people, men women, black, white, young, old...all running. and they all had similar expressions of happiness on their faces, all apparently sharing the same delight in the joy of running.
i always loved driving past that wall. it proved to me that some could create art out of what was considered trashing property. as silly as it sounds, i believe it appealed to the child within me cause it showed that yes, some good could be born of the bad
then of course, as all stories go, a few months later the wall was completely vandalized. scribbled over the joyous faces were words of hate, prejudice, and despair. i actually got teary-eyed the first time i passed that wall after it was raped, but like all people who are exposed to tragic things constantly, i got used to it.
and that is the story of how my heart broke.
...Created 2005-08-09 00:26:09
|Journal: oi vey|
-------------------------------------------Mood: Too much at once...it's amazing how many people have the same problems, have the same issues, cry rivers of tears over the same heartaches, cut over the same things...it's amazing how so many find ways to tell their similar (yet unique) stories through words...
where does it originate from? the pain i mean
why is there so much pain? what causes all these hurts and self-doubts and deaths and just, wasting of life?
and why do we all experience it? is there noone to follow, noone perfect, and therefore perfectly strong and sure and capable and...
if we find the source of the problems... will we fix it?
as for today, i enjoyed six brain-deadening hours of bio in summerschool, and of those 6 i used 2 hours that i think i slept with my eyes open
then i ate lunch with some blissfully ignorant friends of mine
i love them but they orbit around a different sun than i do
am i the only one who feels like noone understands them? okay maybe not there are too many songs and literature pieces written about being misunderstood.
am i the only kid who thinks like this? and why?
and why the hell am i asking questions in my journal?
well...then i went for a 2 mile run with this big dog.
baby-sitting tomorrow then volleyball practice, and then...who knows what...Created 2005-06-24 00:08:00
-------------------------------------------Mood: Overwhelmedso i ran away for i guess the 5th time today, though it was a short-lived amount of freedom. i was eventually tracked down and recaptured, and sent back to hell. i fight with my parents over the littlest things. they refuse to let me mature, and let me grow. any sign of independence surely means im rocketing out of their controlled orbit. god forbid, i have a different opinion than them. fuck that, i swear the day i turn 18 im out of this insane crackhouse. i'm certain they'll each have a cardiac arrest when they see me run my ass out of here. ...Created 2005-03-11 20:09:58
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