Journal: Why -------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualWhy does it seem, that just when things start to get easy, and you know the choices you have to make, the past comes sweeping in with the wind and makes everything complicated again?
He left. He left me broken, in all aspects of the word. Stretched to the point of disappearing, on the brink of un-existing, if there is such a thing, and those of you that have been through this, know that there is Such.A.Thing.
There were many in between, but they were only in-betweens. Not really worth the time I spent on them, except for the fact that they took some of the loneliness away. Not the hurt, just the... alone ness.
Then he came. Like the sun after too much rain, and right in time to save me from drowning. This one was hard, and we had to fight every single step of the way. Not like the first one, where everything seemed easy and right. This one seemed all wrong from the start, but my heart spoke. And who was I to turn a deaf ear to what my heart would say? Too many times I was close to shoving him away. Too many times he almost left. But, right before all was lost, I grabbed for him, and he was still there to hold my hand. Everything seemed...not perfect, but everything seemed like it would be worth the effort.
And then, the first came back. Gushing love like all the time he was gone didn't mean anything. And the second left, in a way, so he could grow up, be the man I needed him to be....
And now....I feel that darkness pulling me again. So much easier to give up both than to choose one.
I don't know what to do....
hl.p....Created 2011-05-10 05:05:43 |
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