Mood: CrazyI'm surrounded by laughing faces and its dark all around. I smile as they twirl me in circles, the music visible and swirling in the back ground, the drinks glowing all the way down.
Everyone knows my name and they keep it a secret from me. They are all beautiful, and there is constantly an arm around my shoulder, or a hug from the side, or a playful yank on my hair. Oh hello and oh hello and oh hello. So nice to see you, come and sit for a while.
We blow smoke rings on the patio...and I feel like I'm famous. Smiles and laughter, and the music and the drinks, and the hugs....
But at the end of the night
my cup is always empty.
And I never remember a single name.......Created 2011-06-03 17:04:02
Mood: The UsualWhy does it seem, that just when things start to get easy, and you know the choices you have to make, the past comes sweeping in with the wind and makes everything complicated again?
He left. He left me broken, in all aspects of the word. Stretched to the point of disappearing, on the brink of un-existing, if there is such a thing, and those of you that have been through this, know that there is Such.A.Thing.
There were many in between, but they were only in-betweens. Not really worth the time I spent on them, except for the fact that they took some of the loneliness away. Not the hurt, just the... alone ness.
Then he came. Like the sun after too much rain, and right in time to save me from drowning. This one was hard, and we had to fight every single step of the way. Not like the first one, where everything seemed easy and right. This one seemed all wrong from the start, but my heart spoke. And who was I to turn a deaf ear to what my heart would say? Too many times I was close to shoving him away. Too many times he almost left. But, right before all was lost, I grabbed for him, and he was still there to hold my hand. Everything seemed...not perfect, but everything seemed like it would be worth the effort.
And then, the first came back. Gushing love like all the time he was gone didn't mean anything. And the second left, in a way, so he could grow up, be the man I needed him to be....
And now....I feel that darkness pulling me again. So much easier to give up both than to choose one.
I don't know what to do....
hl.p....Created 2011-05-10 05:05:43
I wanna Speak
from the inside out, eloquently
but in plain English.
Because sometimes, I find
Beauty goes hand in hand
Or in other words,
I just don't get it.
And that leaves me with a hard-to-describe feeling.
Like I was cheated, and I cheated, at the same time.
...Created 2011-05-04 04:03:00
Journal: Single -------------------------------------------
Mood: The UsualI'm obsessed with you. Crazy, I know, but it's true. Constantly thinking about us and where we're going, if we are even going anywhere. Wishing I could be myself and be like all the others before me...so insecure that I always hold a grudge and judge myself too harshly. You made me this way...so that I'll never feel good enough, but we've both changed. Not doing what we used to but still remembering the things we're used to. Don't know if it's love or if it's both of us trying to do better than we have before...trying to make it seem like this is our chance to change our ways. Trying to make this more because it works sometimes....we work sometimes. Who knows anymore....Created 2011-03-25 14:52:08
Journal: New Tattoo -------------------------------------------
Mood: The Usual:) Loving it....Created 2011-03-08 21:13:08