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dotsJournal: Why....dots
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Mood: Lonely

If the thing we fear the most in life is being alone
then why is it that love is so hard to hold?

...Created 2010-09-15 11:46:59

dotsJournal: Pennydots
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Mood: Yeay!!

Capturing moon beams and dreaming of a place a little less than perfect so I feel like I belong. When I sigh smoke comes out, and I pretend I'm a dragon and a princess. Rescue me from myself and we'll ride this desert wind right out of this place. Hopefully it'll take us north, because I want to see how rain clouds and mountains feel with you.

...Created 2010-08-24 02:54:09

dotsJournal: Ex Revelationdots
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Mood: Bleh

Freddie mentioned once in passing that he liked the way scars looked and felt. I tried to make myself beautiful for him. My body became a canvass in his art gallery. Those scars never faded. Needless to say, I never regretted them.

James was never patient. He didn't believe in letting me think before I spoke. I became a great liar, speaking volumes of love. I almost believed myself.

Chris, he thought he understood happiness. I think he mistook guilt for love. He gave me a ring that I wore proudly, then took it back when he realized he couldn't fix me. He's happier being alone. Scratch that. He's happier being without me.

...Created 2010-08-10 04:23:23

dotsJournal: Movie Datedots
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Mood: The Usual

With Penny. I love zombie movies.

...Created 2010-07-27 11:01:39

dotsJournal: Insanity.....dots
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Mood: BLANK

I stare at blank pages all day long like they got a secret to tell me. It used to be that I was the one with all the secrets, and the lines that crossed the page played the part of a sympathetic ear.




I can imagine paper screaming...with every stroke of my pen. Each stain of ink like a razor blade to the skin.

Bleed through.
Confessions are painful.

I stare...every day.
Pages remain blank
fill one line but the next one is always
-empty-
You take and take and take and
never give
I want your secrets.
My pen is torture.
I hear your screams.

Continue to tease me. I'm almost at the end.
Your turn...I turn the page...


-I find nothing again-

...Created 2010-07-27 05:41:53

dotsJournal: Suggestions...dots
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Mood: The Usual

I need some book suggestions.

...Created 2010-07-23 01:13:28

dotsJournal: Drunken Rambledots
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Mood: The Usual

Fountains. Throw my penny in. Maybe a penny isn't enough for a wish, but it's all I got right now...
I wish they would all love me.
I wish I'd love myself.
You're a face reader. And I can always tell your mood by how many clouds are in the sky...or whether it's raining or not. Does that make me a cloud reader?

Can I hold you in my arms until we both feel ok? It's hard to imagine that an entire universe exists outside of myself. That every day stars are exploding, creating new unimaginable things. That people are dying in wars that newspapers never hear about. That some children are born into perfect loving familes, and some are left behind and never thought of again. I focus on myself because it's all I know. I am my own universe...even when I hear about the stars or the wars or the children, or whatever. I only think of them in terms of how they affect me...

Selfless is a word comparable to Santa Claus...the idea is nice, but in the end we're all still last minute shopping to make sure we get something for everyone on OUR list. Not because they deserve it, or because it's Christmas. It's because we don't want to feel bad. For any reason.

Dying batteries have never made me feel so depressed.





Fountains....I hope I run out of wishes well before I run out of coins

...Created 2010-07-12 13:58:58

dotsJournal: Technicalitiesdots
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Mood: The Usual

think the smile, instead of the eyes, is the doorway to the soul. Or maybe it's a combination of the two. Everything is relative.
Love reminds me of sweaty palms in the summertime. Holding hands while simultaneously wishing for predicted rain. Your hand was warm
the first time it ever held mine, and mine was fire.
They all say I have a beautiful smile. You paused mid walk when I first saw you, that much I remember. I smiled and it took you
an eternity to recover, and all I could do was stare stupidly at your beautifully created being.

_ Life burns by too fast. In every aspect. Cigarettes burn too fast, the pictures in the trash can of my previous life turned to ash too quickly
for me to feel any kind of closure. I should have expected the same of OUR passion. I'm a fool. We are all fools. _

"Baby you're pretty" you whisper as I scowl. Begin the countdown and I don't even make it to 1 before I'm smiling my soul to you, practically
laying my heart at your feet. Laugh and kiss my forehead and I feel safe. But you're as predictable as smoke. A slight whisper and the molecules
of US are displaced and torn apart....

We burn white when we're together. Passion fades quickly, though. You got my smile the first time I saw you. I still only have your eyes.

...Created 2010-07-04 12:35:25

dotsJournal: Questionsdots
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Mood: The Usual

Wash me down with a shot of Jack. or Tequila, because you know it's my favorite. A little hard to swallow, but once you get me down, I make you feel good. I know how to take your mind off of things. I can make edges blur so that everything feels soft and nice.

We can go out to the patio for a smoke. I'll sit on the wall and cross my legs so my skirt rids up a little, and you'll lean next to me, casually looking at my exposed leg every few minutes. We'll blow smoke halos and tell each other our deepest secrets. Give explanations as to why other people don't understand us.

Or why we don't understand ourselves.

...Created 2010-07-02 18:48:00

dotsJournal: CATFISH FRIDAYdots
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Mood: Confused

:( I have to work in 4 hours...and haven't been to sleep all night....

We're having fried catfish today for the lunch special....it's going to be a busy day.

I never thought fried catfish would make me sad. And typing that line makes me laugh. :):(

...Created 2010-06-18 06:49:53