--Elite Writer Alias: Astair Name: Astair ASL: 19/F/USA Bio: [ Quick Bio ] Website:[ Website ] Days Away: 4688 Life Story: Fun [ Ignore User ]
Favorites: 2 Forum Posts: 7 Shoutbox Posts: 5 RP Posts: 0 Signup Date: 4794 D 13.13 Years 1.31 Decades 159.8 Months 684.86 Weeks 4.794000e+8 Heart Beats -There you go eggman Quote: "I'm sick of your insane demands. When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I want with my good looks?" - Alan Ginsberg
Your poetry is too...long. Try to pull your readers in before placing all of your attention on a mere story. Spending too much time thinking about what to write and rough drafts remove any interest or creativity that would have been possible. Keep trying.
Thanks so much for a comment :) I agree with you about adding more to the last section, but I also agree that it would ruin the last statement. I sat there for about an hour wracking my brain for a way to make it longer but I always went back to that statement.