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Ayane


Name: Mariah K.
ASL: 17/F/IL
Bio: [ Quick Bio ]
Website:[ Education ]
Days Away: 4545
Life Story: Running Away
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Favorites: 5
Forum Posts: 1
Shoutbox Posts: 0
RP Posts: 0
Signup Date: 5744 D
15.74 Years 1.57 Quote:
When we're born, we begin to die


Recent Favorites:
MidNight Dove by Valle_Siddious
Shadowtides by Crash
Socail Distortion by obsidiandreams
Alone by Valle_Siddious
The Bottom by Valle_Siddious
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Featured:
The Future We've Built

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Guilty

Mood: More regretful than you'll ever know
  
I never thought I could feel this guilty about a death I didn't cause. I wasn't the one who poisoned Shane's mushrooms and I wasn't the one who drove him to that solution either. But I could've changed it. I could've stopped him.
We were so close growing up and we talked about the future and about earrings, music and tattoos when we got older. We just equalled out when it came to troubled homelives. But neither one of us were ever sad enough to turn to bad things.
Then when my brother got kicked out, Shane's brother stopped coming around and we just lost touch. If I had stayed with him and tried to stay near him, we'd both be alive and well.
What haunts me the most is I don't remember the last thing we said to each other. Were we happy? Fighting? And all the memories I have of us are so blurry that the only clear memory I have of his face is when we were 5 and 9 and then when he was lying in that casket. But I'm starting to forget his face...it terrifies me everyday that I wake up and I can only vaguely see him in that polished box. I don't have any pictures... 5 year olds don't take into account that your friend won't be there forever and so a lot of valuable things get lost or thrown away. Now there's nothing but a cd that I can't even listen to all the way through anymore and a card from his funeral.

The line from the song "The Noose" by A Perfect Circle says, "I'm more than just a little curious how you're planning to go about making your ammends to the dead."

I can't make my ammends now. Or ever. And I'll never know what the outcome would've been if I had.


...Created 2008-12-22 06:10:02     [ View Past Journals ]

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Featured: The Future We've Built

 Wish Youe Were Here
:|| V: 783 | C: 2 ||:
::Death : Class : Misc :
 Featured workThe Future We've Built
:|| V: 1187 | C: 3 ||:
::Serious : Class : Poetry :
 Boogeyman
:|| V: 992 | C: 1 ||:
::Dark : Class : Poetry :
 When I'm Gone
:|| V: 906 | C: 1 ||:
::Serious : Class : Lyrics :
 Hero
:|| V: 1056 | C: 2 ||:
::Friendship : Class : Misc :
 Empty Bottles
:|| V: 1168 | C: 6 ||:
::Friendship : Class : Poetry :
 Happy Birthday, Lisa
:|| V: 1065 | C: 0 ||:
::Serious : Class : Story :
 Silent Enemy
:|| V: 1028 | C: 3 ||:
::Cutting or Mutilation : Class : Poetry :
 Dreamworld
:|| V: 973 | C: 1 ||:
::Trapped : Class : Poetry :
 Once So Memorable
:|| V: 949 | C: 0 ||:
::Lostfriend : Class : Poetry :
 Last Place
:|| V: 1154 | C: 2 ||:
::Misc : Class : Lyrics :
 Hello Again
:|| V: 1035 | C: 1 ||:
::Alone : Class : Poetry :
 Lost Story
:|| V: 972 | C: 3 ||:
::Nostalgia : Class : Poetry :
 The Sky That Didn't Exist
:|| V: 1114 | C: 0 ||:
::Broken : Class : Poetry :
 A Thing Called Real
:|| V: 1225 | C: 3 ||:
::Longing : Class : Poetry :
 Musicbox
:|| V: 1161 | C: 2 ||:
::Misc : Class : Poetry :
 The Truth About Heartbeats
:|| V: 1065 | C: 0 ||:
::Lostfriend : Class : Poetry :
 I'm sorry you'll never see this
:|| V: 1145 | C: 2 ||:
::Sorry : Class : Misc :
 Early Morning Rain
:|| V: 1145 | C: 1 ||:
::Serious : Class : Lyrics :
 Regret of Motion
:|| V: 1099 | C: 1 ||:
::Longing : Class : Lyrics :
List All...



Messages

  
Yeah. It's really great.
If you decide to, look me up; Kill Spoonella and send me a message.

Oh & btw I got a new account on here.
It's Killspoon. hahaha.
I'll find you on that one and comment on some of your writing.
| Posted on 2009-01-25 21:36:42 | by hateyourlove - [ Reply to This ] -
  
Do you have a writerscafe account?
| Posted on 2009-01-03 23:53:21 | by hateyourlove - [ Reply to This ] -
  
My face wired back together...
lol...
It feels fine to me...
It ok...another lie...
U know how CHAZ is...
| Posted on 2008-12-21 08:54:35 | by Valle_Siddious - [ Reply to This ] -
  
I read your journal and I'm terribly sorry about your loss. Hang on... the pain never goes away completely but it does get better...
| Posted on 2008-12-07 17:03:48 | by Shadowstar13 - [ Reply to This ] -
  
Hey, I came to thank you for the comments, but I read your Jurnal, I'm sorry all that bad stuff is Happening to you, You seem like a genuine person and 150 is not bad btw, Don't worry about sleep because I used to be an Insomniac, If you can't get medication take 4 tylonol PM knocked me out in .5 hour. I sincerly hope that you'll be ok.


~Carrie
| Posted on 2008-06-17 11:33:52 | by dismal_s child - [ Reply to This ] -
  
I read your journal and your life sounds pretty crazy. I think you should write a book about it. I'd read it for sure.

I read a few of your poems and I really like them. Keep writing and good luck with everything else!
| Posted on 2008-06-15 20:03:09 | by hateyourlove - [ Reply to This ] -



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