Journal: Gangland
-------------------------------------------Mood: Thinking...
I was a good kid, once upon a time. Hell, back then, I got onto people for saying the word "crap". I was getting beat daily and yet I never said a bad word toward anyone. I lived for every good moment and the sun was always shining.
Now it's like someone pulled the cord to my lamp and I'm in the dark. I've been drinking since the 6th grade, I smoked for a month or so and then got bored with it and gave it up. I curse like it's my native language and rapid comebacks come to me so fluently. I trust people and the farther I let them in, the later I realize how dark and dangerous this deathtrap hole they've lead me into really is. My close circle of friends turned out to be a vicious gang and everything I've done for them has just furthered their cause for hurting others. Look at my picture, do I look like a horrible, deathdealing, gangster? When I look in the mirror now, I see no one. I can see right through me. I have no identity and at this point, it's probably better off that way.
Lisa, you raised a better person than this. You took me in when no one else would. I'm so sorry I grew up like this to disappoint you.
Adam, your death was my sign, and I knew that. I blew it, man, and I'm so sorry. I thought I had this under control but not even a few days after your death, it all crashed. I'm starting to think you were the lucky one to get out first before it got worse.
I was a good kid once....
...Created 2008-09-12 01:39:37 [ View Past Journals ] [ View as Blog ] |
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