--Elite Writer Alias: Ayane Name: Mariah K. ASL: 17/F/IL Bio: [ Quick Bio ] Website:[ Education ] Days Away: 3027 Life Story: Running Away [ Ignore User ]
Favorites: 5 Forum Posts: 1 Shoutbox Posts: 0 RP Posts: 0 Signup Date: 4226 D 11.58 Years 1.16 Decades 140.87 Months 603.71 Weeks 4.226000e+8 Heart Beats -There you go eggman Quote: When we're born, we begin to die
I never thought I could feel this guilty about a death I didn't cause. I wasn't the one who poisoned Shane's mushrooms and I wasn't the one who drove him to that solution either. But I could've changed it. I could've stopped him.
We were so close growing up and we talked about the future and about earrings, music and tattoos when we got older. We just equalled out when it came to troubled homelives. But neither one of us were ever sad enough to turn to bad things.
Then when my brother got kicked out, Shane's brother stopped coming around and we just lost touch. If I had stayed with him and tried to stay near him, we'd both be alive and well.
What haunts me the most is I don't remember the last thing we said to each other. Were we happy? Fighting? And all the memories I have of us are so blurry that the only clear memory I have of his face is when we were 5 and 9 and then when he was lying in that casket. But I'm starting to forget his face...it terrifies me everyday that I wake up and I can only vaguely see him in that polished box. I don't have any pictures... 5 year olds don't take into account that your friend won't be there forever and so a lot of valuable things get lost or thrown away. Now there's nothing but a cd that I can't even listen to all the way through anymore and a card from his funeral.
The line from the song "The Noose" by A Perfect Circle says, "I'm more than just a little curious how you're planning to go about making your ammends to the dead."
I can't make my ammends now. Or ever. And I'll never know what the outcome would've been if I had.
hey. i decided ot write you cause i happened to be browsing on your page looking at some of your entries, and i came across your journal entry thing. The thing that caught my attention was the PTSD part. I'm sorry to hear that, and i guess i understand it about as much as someone can that doesn't have it. I dated a girl who had it extremely bad, and while there was some obstacles that came about because of it, it wasn't really bad. One thing that concerns me about it, with the people that have it, is that they think the people they're with will think differently of them, or less of them because of it. This is not the case. Anyone that is with you should understand that, and ya. Just thought i'd say that.
"Impulse?" you say.
Never heard of the book.
Read your journal post.
I know how you feel, haven't wrote a single thing since last february.
Can't wait for school to start again.
Maybe my writing skills will pick back up.