Journal: My Life
-------------------------------------------Mood: Overwhelmed
Grey’s Anatomy Analogy
There’s this episode of Grey’s Anatomy that always throws itself to the forefront of my mind at the most inopportune of times. If it had a title it would be “The Complete Breaking of Christina Yang…Finally.” Some of you might be Grey’s Anatomy fanatics and might already know what I’m talking about. Season three, the last episode, Christina Yang and Preston Burke’s wedding. For those of you who don’t know. These are two doctors who star in a very popular sitcom called Grey’s Anatomy. Preston Burke is the TOP Cardiovascular surgeon in the world hired at Seattle Grace Hospital, and Christina Yang is a first year intern. Now…Preston Burke is a little cocky…yet sentimental and is 100% into the relationship with Christina…who’s a bit of a closed up, “I have a wall around me”, no one’s ever getting inside kind of girl. But after two years of sharing a miscarriage, living together, being engaged, planning a wedding, opening her up…he decides to leave her.
Wow and why you might ask. Now, obviously for the show reason Isaiah Washington, who played Preston Burke, left because he was being kind of a discriminating butthead towards another homosexual actor (George O’Malley{character name}). Yet. The episode is one of the only ones that still brings tears to my eyes. She’s READY to walk down the aisle. She’s READY to give herself to someone 100% and she hesitates for ONE second and here he comes marching up the aisle, through the doors, and says this: “I know you don’t want to marry me, I’m down at the bottom of the aisle waiting on you, I know you don’t want to walk down that aisle but you’ll do it because you love me. I also know that if I loved you, and not the woman I was trying to make you, I wouldn’t be waiting on you. I’d set you free. It’s over, I’m sorry.” It leaves audiences going: “WHAT?!” CHRISTINA FINALLY LOVED SOMEONE! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT!?
So as the episode ends after this startling turn of events (and no matter how many times I watch the episode I find myself hoping it will turn out different!) they show her in the apartment that we’ve watched them live together in for TWO years. Where he’s finally opened her heart and soul. And, she’s wearing that dress, and the makeup is BEAUTIFUL, and her hair is done, and she looks PERFECT! But, she’s realizing he’s really gone. She’s pointing out simple things to her best friend. His trumpet’s gone, his favorite violinist’s cds are gone, his lucky surgical cap…
And ice cold, walled up, closed in Christina Yang, cardiovascular protégée, says this: “He’s gone, gone, he’s gone. I’m free. Dammit! Dammit!” Finalized by the best friend helping her cut off the wedding dress and holding her as she crumbles, crying, sobbing, realizing, after all this time and effort of playing cool and finally falling in love, she didn’t ever want to ever be free.
Now…that’s a long description…and a lot of you may be wondering why I just went into that. But I had to get this out. The reason why this episode slams into me sometimes even when I’m not watching it and takes my breath away. It’s because I’m her. I’m my own Christina Yang. Closed up, walled up, don’t touch me, ice woman. And people walk in and out of my life like it is nothing to them and the people that walk into my life and stay: THEY don’t get me. The guys that just flirt aimlessly, or dive into relationships and wonder why I’m closed up, and eventually leave when all they really need to do when I walk away is grab on. But, they never do…they watch me walk out the door.
Idiots. Didn’t someone tell them they’re supposed to read minds?! When I say: “GO AWAY!” or “IT’S OVER!” I mean: “PLEASE STAY!” and “PLEASE FIGHT FOR THIS!” Please show me that you care. Please show me that you want me. But they never do.
And that ONE day will come when I’m finally….when I’m ready. That one day a man finally breaks me. And I’m as close as I can get to him. I will watch him walk away suddenly, abruptly, and leave me. And I’ll be standing there in my wedding dress. Alone. Realizing too late…I didn’t want to be alone.
“I’m free. Dammit.”
...Created 2008-08-19 00:51:18 [ View Past Journals ] [ View as Blog ] |
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