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    poetry


    --Elite Writer
    Alias: Briannan
    Name: Briannan Hall
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    Currently Stalking: Rastine Aristat, giventofly, disturbedx1000, Wolfie, I_Bleed_Ink

    Journal: ugly babies
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: The Usual
      
    I just thought about it, and I think one of the things that annoys me the most in life is ugly babies. Especially when everyone says that they are cute. I'm not saying that all babies are ugly. I'm just saying that a wrinkled, alien, hot dog is not adorable. Not all babies are cute. The screaming gremlins...not so much.

    Just a thought. take it or leave it.


    ...Created 2009-05-29 02:16:17     [ View Past Journals ]

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    dotsLast 20 Submissionsdots

    Featured: Instantaneous Obliteration

     Confessional Booth
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    ::Serious : Class : Poetry :
     A glimpse
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    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     Acetylene Blue
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    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     Whispers
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    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     Just a taste.
    :|| V: 432 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     Untitled
    :|| V: 449 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     Goddess
    :|| V: 693 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Longing : Class : Prose :
     a silent chess game
    :|| V: 733 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Serious : Class : Story :
     Cleansing rain
    :|| V: 632 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Serious : Class : Story :
     her cigarettes.
    :|| V: 860 | C: 3 ||:
    ::Longing : Class : Story :
     Scene from Lost Girl
    :|| V: 893 | C: 3 ||:
    ::Serious : Class : Story :
     movement
    :|| V: 621 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Serious : Class : Poetry :
     Perfection is a dirty word
    :|| V: 905 | C: 6 ||:
    ::Serious : Class : Poetry :
     Sodom and Gomorrah
    :|| V: 967 | C: 4 ||:
    ::Serious : Class : Poetry :
     Patience
    :|| V: 887 | C: 4 ||:
    ::Serious : Class : Poetry :
     Cycle of the Morning Lover
    :|| V: 1297 | C: 5 ||:
    :: : Class : Poetry :
     Butterfly Under Glass
    :|| V: 704 | C: 4 ||:
    ::Longing : Class : Poetry :
     Allure
    :|| V: 923 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Serious : Class : Misc :
     Holding My Breath
    :|| V: 846 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Angry : Class : Misc :
     Nobody's Perfection
    :|| V: 1293 | C: 3 ||:
    ::Nostalgia : Class : Poetry :
    List All...





    ||| Messages |||
      
    It makes me happy that someone revises their work. I figure some do, but I've never been witness to it.

    I've read most of your prose and I like it.
    I'll probably comment on it eventually, it takes me a while to comment.
    I always feel odd when I comment on something old and thus in less need of a comment.

    I'll read "a silent chess game" and let you know in a few hours. I have some errands to run and need to wake up.
    | Posted on 2008-07-13 22:18:35 | by Sir Jimeth - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    All right, I suck at more than napping, so I'm rested enough.

    Response to your comment on my comment on "a silent chess game"
    I wouldn't have guessed friend, but I can completely see that as well. It's just vague enough actually that the reader could place many different characters there.

    I don't know that it's fair to emotion bomb a logical argument/discussion. I guess my thoughts there are irrelevant to the piece so I'll leave that.

    Suggestions related to conciseness were just examples. I just believe that, unless the opposite is important to the author in matter of style or message, conciseness improves things dramatically and just going through a piece trying to find more compact and flavorful words for various things can be entertaining... for me, at least.

    The semi-colon I'm more certain of. Quick look at wikipedia they're used for,
    1. binding two sentences more closely than if separated by a full-stop period. It replaces conjunctions, such as and or but. Writers consider this appropriate when indicating a close relationship between two sentences, a continuation of meaning from the one to the next; the connection might break with an abrupt period.
    2. as a divider stronger than a comma, to clarify meaning in a sentence where commas are used for other purposes, e.g. to separate items of a list when the items contain commas.

    The sentence I suggested have the semicolon doesn't need the full stop of a period, but it does need a divider stronger than a comma.

    Do you really revise your work on here? I didn't think anyone did.
    | Posted on 2008-07-12 19:25:01 | by Sir Jimeth - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    I appreciate your comment so far (on arrogance revised), but you mention recommenting later. So, if you actually do that, I'll respond to that.
    If not then I'll respond to the comment you did give tomorrow.

    Either way, thanks thanks thanks.

    And I have a response to your response to my comment on "a silent game of chess", but I haven't slept for... I am not sure. Once I get some rest, I'll do that as well.
    | Posted on 2008-07-12 12:48:29 | by Sir Jimeth - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    Go for it. We all post here to improve so your take would be helpful.

    Thanks,

    Jo.
    | Posted on 2008-07-11 12:04:15 | by JoKing - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    Hey,

    Thanks for the crit, it is much appreciated. But I was wondering what sentences or paragraph you were referring to. I am not one of those people that mind being edited so if you could just give me a quick idea of what you mean, it would really help me.

    Thank you,

    Jo.
    | Posted on 2008-07-10 15:39:05 | by JoKing - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    Thank you for commenting on "Tomorrow Forgot Yesterday". I am glad you were able to take something away with you form it. Simple is what I aim for most of the time.
    | Posted on 2008-07-09 00:50:26 | by nicodemous - [ Reply to This ] -



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