|Journal: Here it Comes|
-------------------------------------------Mood: Juggling Tasks
This site is always gonna make me think about Mike-LameMansTerms. I suppose thatís why in my last journal I dedicated it to him. But I realized today that he would think that was crazy, he has his work out there, his page on this site & many other sites where you can view his work. I donít. He would probably say I was slacking by the little amount I have posted. I miss him & regret so much. Mainly that I took him for granted, that I thought heíd be around a lot longer, that I didnít keep in contact as much as I shouldíve-like he did, and always that I didnít stay in LA & visit him when I couldíve which was only 4 months before he died. Maybe it wouldíve changed something, maybe he would be alive. Ya know, like the golden rule of science fiction, how the slightest things can change the future, I will always wonder if just that visit wouldíve changed his future or rather, given him more of one. No, I donít feel guilty for his death, I just feel regretful I didnít follow my gut & ditch the guy I was in LA with!
Sometimes I Google his name-real & alias to see if there is anything I havenít seen before. I came across his death record today (btw-he died 5 years ago Jan 29th) & I read past journals of his, I looked at pictures & tried to find those rare ones of just him, not the crazy ass ones he photo shopped his head onto, I poked around & stalked his online presence, I searched for the book he was supposed to have coming out before he died, I laughed out loud to things he wrote to me & almost cried, if I hadnít been at work I probably wouldíve broke down from laughter to tears. One thing I still find so unique is how involved he got with people, how deep & emotional he truly was underneath all the jokes, how much he really cared about us. We poets of the elite variety. He wanted to make us better, make us angry, make us reveal the truth & use our almighty words to the best of our abilities. He just had a way about him & a real love of poetry, not necessarily all the poets he came into contact with. HA!
About 3 years ago I promised to critique poets here with that in mind & to post my own poetry, to try & make something out of it or at the very least get it all out there & let fate decide. But I didnít do that. I bought a house instead, I went back to work full time, I ended & started relationships, I partied with new & old friends, I saw great live music & made a little of my own, I learned things I needed toÖbasically I just lived life with the intention of doing ďworkĒ part of getting my work out there, but ya know what they say about good intentions and the road to hell being paved with them. So now, Iím a few years older, a few pounds heavier & a lot wiser. Of course Iíve still been writing and posted a couple somewhat new ones here already. Iím always trying to tinker with poems & make the Ďperfectí before I post them but one thing Iíve learned is you canít keep all art work to yourself until itís perfect or youíll be buried with it. So here it comesÖIím about to post as much as they allow me without commenting on others. I know this sounds bad & the whole point of this site is to have a back & forth relationship with commenting on each otherís work. But Iím gonna be honest here okay ? I have very little time to sit & read/comment with something that isnít just ďthis sucks ballsĒ or ďthumbs up. Fuckin rad.Ē See, Iím not Mike & maybe I lack patience, but I rarely comment on a poem unless I like it, if I read a few sentences & I think itís really bad, I stop reading & move on. And sure, thatís mainly style preference, so maybe someone out there adores that crappy poem I couldnít get through. Cool. I just donít really like a lot of the poets I find on this or any other site anymore. Some are good, some are great but most of them are not my cup of tea. The poets I truly loved on this site are gone now in one way or the other. So Iím sorry if I donít read very much & I submit too much for a while until I get a little more caught up. They wonít be in any kind of order, I will just be pulling stuff from my notebooks & posting them probably more according to mood than anything else. One poem might be 10 years old, the next could be 5 yrs old or from yesterday. You donít have to comment, you donít have to even read them, I might like it if you did both. But donít worry, I wonít stay up at night if you donít.
And even though this site will always make me think of Mike I think this will be the last Journal that is really about him-at least for awhile. But I'll still miss him & carry a bit of him with me in the tip of my pen forever. Rest in Peace my friend.
...Created 2013-01-23 22:41:13 [ View Past Journals ] [ View as Blog ]