Journal: Like the Wolf
-------------------------------------------Mood: Just Hungry
Hungry....yes, that is fitting. Not hungry for say...pancakes but for closure. When I joined this site I wasn't sure why I was joining. I've written poetry most of my life but pretty much decided that poets don't make money for their art and so I did it for the love of it, for the....inability to hold them in, for the fact that they rolled around in my head until I wrote them down and sometimes even after. (that's when you know they're good) I guess there is always some little part of any artist that thinks... wishes 'someday i will make money for this, i will have success because damn, other people do and i'm just as good, maybe better.' But that part of me had been stifled for so long by..uh..outside influences, that I just resigned myself to being a salesperson, a wife, an appreciator of art more than someone who was appreciated. So, I guess I joined this site because I was longing to be appreciated. Aren't we all ? Us tortured souls, too creative and eccentric to ever really be normal, just longing to be appreciated for the oddities we are. And for what we create with our odd minds. I got some of what I desired from this site, some great compliments & critiques. But the one true gift, the one thing I really gained from Elite Skills was a true friend...Mike-Lamemansterms. Our friendship was so much more than just that and yet we never met in person. What do you call a close friend who is also your...f*#%*ing poetry twin ?! Who you also have this total love and attraction for. What do you call that ?! We wrote poetry to each other, for each other and about each other. Little pieces of genius sent back and forth with emails. Our friendship went beyond this site, Myspace or any other site we both were part of and communicated through. We talked for hours through IM, talked on the phone and sent the longest drunken messages back & forth. But mainly we communicated through poetry, knew what the other was going through because we could decipher what was metaphor & what was real in each others work.
He passed away in January of 2008, suddenly and completely unexpected, he leaves behind family, friends, fans and his words, his beautiful, shocking, harsh and endearing words. There will never be another person like him. And yes I'm hungry, for more of those words, his voice, to have him pop up and say silly girl it was all a publicity stunt...my books' coming out soon, didn't you know I had a Machiavelli complex ??!! I'm hungry to know exactley what happened, hungry to have closure, to own something of his to hold forever...so hungry for so much. For my own things too, still hungry for success, for my life to be a little less chaotic, for money and of course appreciation.
Always hungry for sex and thirsty for.......beer, dirty minds. If Mike were alive he would have so many things to say back to that one sentence. This site will never be the same without him, he was the one who kept me from deleting my page, he was the one I came back for every time and so he is the one this page is now in dedication of. I'll keep posting my work and when I comment on others I will be giving them as Mistress CC, Mike's fav. So get ready you degenerate slaves, you might have to pull your pants down and brace yourself. Love you & miss you always Mikey......
Mr. Lamemansterms...sweet similiar soul.
Spankings
Mistress CC-
...Created 2009-05-08 22:26:16 [ View Past Journals ] [ View as Blog ] |
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