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 Free Fall
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::Love : Class : Poetry :
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 On The Other Side of Pleading
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::Venting : Class : Random Thoughts :
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::Death : Class : Story :
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::Death : Class : Story :
 The Truth About CNPerry
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 let go
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 why we write
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::Passion : Class : Poetry :
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Comment on Harbinger:


The first time I read this sounded almost surreal, like a terrible day or a hellish nightmare. The second time I went through it I could see that it might be tale that you came up one day which might have been triggered by an ominous feeling you might have had.

I don't usually comment on stories and it’s actually a contradiction taken into account that I do write prose every once in while, too but I when I checked your story I thought it was a scintillating piece worth reading. I reckon that the strengths of it are the descriptive lines, the carefully selected words and most importantly the almost unreal imagery you used such as "the worshiping wind" and "the waltzing wails" I love those combinations. As well as the little alliteration you used here and there.

The title was perfectly chosen as well. As I've put forward above, I did get the foreshadowing, ill-omened feeling you were trying to convey particularly near the end.

As for critiques, you might want to add an "a" before nightmare in line 7. I believe it would flow better that way, for my money. But that's up to you, the piece is great the way it is, anyhow.

Finally, I wanted to know what you had in mind when you wrote this, if possible.

Kind regards,

Take care,

Ethan Brody"

ps: I was trying to post this during the afternoon and now but I couldn't. The problem seems to be in your account since I have tried to post other comments on other people's writes and I have successfully done so. Let me know when the issue is fixed so as to post the comment where I should have.

| Posted on 2013-06-19 21:26:20 | by Ethan Brody - [ Reply to This ] -
I have problems with posting comments. They don't get posted with the words I wrote. I'm sorry. I'll try to do it later.
| Posted on 2013-06-19 14:24:30 | by Ethan Brody - [ Reply to This ] -
Oh man! To think that drunken you is a great poet, makes me a little sad for my sober self’s state of affairs :P I’m also a little glad to hear that rhyming isn’t your go to strategy, and fully understand what you mean about the way the poem was born.

Now I’m really curious if you could share some of your thoughts on chance. I’d actually spent the day googling “anthropology of luck” (to limited success). Now the fact that oyu brought it up I’m gonna take as a sign (cause I mean… what are the chances). So, what makes you like chance.
| Posted on 2013-06-16 22:02:30 | by Erreur - [ Reply to This ] -
Hey thanks for the suggestions in your comment on Files, very useful observations. :) I agree the piece could be strengthened. Thanks for taking the time to view my work and comment.
Have a great one.
| Posted on 2013-05-08 15:46:36 | by lori_tab - [ Reply to This ] -
Well thanks for the comment. Glad you appreciated the first line and enjoyed the rest. Have a lovely day.
| Posted on 2013-04-30 09:18:30 | by lori_tab - [ Reply to This ] -
I have also written under the names Malcolmknight and Malcolmbishop. I have been gone. I am back now.
| Posted on 2013-04-27 23:40:58 | by CNPerry - [ Reply to This ] -

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