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    poetry


    --Elite Writer
    Alias: Cannablisjunkie
    Name: Pablo De-Jesus Quintana
    ASL: 22/Male/Indianapolis, IN
    Website:[ Website ]
    Days Away: 2910
    Life Story: (Still In Progress)
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    Favorites: 1
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    Signup Date: 5529 D
    15.15 Years 1.51 Decades
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    -There you go eggman
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    Society is a fraud so complete and venal that it demands to be destroyed beyond the power of memory to recall its existence.

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    dotsLast 20 Submissionsdots

     untitled
    :|| V: 731 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Poetry :
     Pablo the disector
    :|| V: 650 | C: 0 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Poetry :
     skratchpad
    :|| V: 754 | C: 0 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     untitled
    :|| V: 626 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Misc :
     Daisey blue lies too..
    :|| V: 971 | C: 3 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     There's no love in outterspace, we can't
    :|| V: 760 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     only the kings horses
    :|| V: 936 | C: 0 ||:
    ::Serious : Class : Poetry :
     Like putting that spray cheese stuff on those bbq
    :|| V: 837 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Poetry :
     As I fill my lungs -:-
    :|| V: 872 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     I didn't eat today but, I medicated
    :|| V: 921 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     Cha-Cha-Cha
    :|| V: 832 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     that faulty organ centered in my chest
    :|| V: 737 | C: 0 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     Picture Perfect
    :|| V: 911 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Misc :
     A Man amungst men, alike.
    :|| V: 1012 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     Writing it down for you
    :|| V: 831 | C: 0 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     Feed my pains, before hunger gains
    :|| V: 1109 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     dead wrong
    :|| V: 819 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     scratch pad 2
    :|| V: 875 | C: 0 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     diamond dance on the water front
    :|| V: 1298 | C: 3 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     It's how she grooves. It moves me too.
    :|| V: 1191 | C: 5 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
    List All...





    ||| Messages |||
      
    I was saying that it looks like a raw draft. I didn't mean to insult you as I've read other pieces from you and they are ok. What I meant was that technically speaking it lacks cohesion even if it is about dreams. The overall form of the poem seems random. You should try to rewrite it and give it a better looking shape. Sometimes this sort of freestyle pattern works, if the subject matter is too important to be constrained by rhymes or equal lines but in this case it would really benefit from a more classical shape, if you will, or another tighter form that makes images easier to comprehend for the reader and more importantly easier to remember each line...
    | Posted on 2008-11-07 18:17:13 | by Paradox - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    hi, thanks. poe
    | Posted on 2008-09-27 20:47:33 | by poetotoe - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    k i feel you bro. Thanks for the piece of advice and a piece of your time. Peace out. Haha
    | Posted on 2008-09-09 15:46:57 | by wordyb - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    Thanks alot man. Hey can you tell me how i can fix up my structure. Maybe some pointers for the next time around. I owe you one. Thanks again for the advice.

    Wordy B
    | Posted on 2008-09-08 15:15:54 | by wordyb - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    hi, thanks for the grand reply to my the tree of woe. poe
    | Posted on 2008-09-07 17:07:59 | by poetotoe - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    Your style and word choices are so amazing. I really don't know what to say. The passion in all of it is ridiculous.
    | Posted on 2008-08-19 05:10:21 | by silentpoison - [ Reply to This ] -



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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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