--Elite Writer Alias: Daokao Name: Dennis O ASL: Older than you/M/Boston Website:[ Education ] Days Away: 1446 Life Story: Summarize. [ Ignore User ]
Favorites: 3 Forum Posts: 0 Shoutbox Posts: 0 RP Posts: 0 Signup Date: 5489 D 15.04 Years 1.5 Decades 182.97 Months 784.14 Weeks 5.489000e+8 Heart Beats -There you go eggman Quote: It's never to late until the very end.
Thanks so much for your kind words on "Jesus Who?" I really didnt think I would get such good comments on it, so I am glad people are enjoying it. I used the word "shutdown" because it makes me think of an old factory or warehouse thats not used anymore, and thats exactly what i meant, so i am not going to change it, because in the poem every word has a reason and if I changed even one thing, it wouldnt be the same to me.
thank you for your kindness, I'll make sure and read some of your things sometime, but I am at work right now, so you get my drift, lol.
Your comments on "The Greatest Joy" was well received.
My original idea for ending each stanza with the Hell line was as in stanza one,the person views Hell as a taste of all the bad things in life. Second stanza shows one's desire to do what is right to advoid Hell. Third stanza tells that one should do more with the surplus ,etc.
I experimented with various renditions and came up with revising the poem. I hope this makes for a better reading and iewpoint for you. If not let me know. Thanks a heap.
Thanks Dennis, for your honesty on the hunter and the hunted. It was something I wrote fairly quickly, as an exercise, so I'm glad you thought it was well written. If I decide to develop the idea into anything more I will be sure to go into it in more depth, but I don't want to make this particular piece any longer.
Hey thanks for that comment. Did not work at getting the rhymes, it just kinda flowed for me. I somewhat think like that. It was like how it flowed in my head. :D I used the first stanza to show the sunset and then the second to show this calm and confused state. I myself find it a confusing state, twilight. So I made it confusing. Then the onset of Night(depicted as the female). The stars being the horsemen in shining armor and the moon being the champion.
I guess I will try editing it. Thanks once again for the view. Give me a second thought, would really like it..