Journal: ...
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual
BTw. I graduated.
I could write abut that. or the good stuff that happened in June, or all the illegal things I did and more of my interesting life, but no. I don't feel like it.
One year minus 3 weeks. that's how long we were together. that's one year (minus 3 weeks) longer than i thought it would last.
I wish I could be angry with him, but I have no reason to. No one has ever broken up with me, so far I was the breaker... And I should have been the breaker now. It was only 2 weeks ago that he started about our holiday together, somewhere in august..The last few months were doubts, now there's an answer to the doubts just when i thought I'd give it another chance. you know, maybe I would get the feelings back?
So why does it hurt when we actually both wanted to break up? There's a 10% of me that is relieved. The rest is a mix of sadness, confusion, melancholy, and feelings I don't know the name of. Saudade be one of them I guess. That's Portuguese, it doesn't have a proper translation.
We had good times. a lot. We've never been fighting at all, just one little discussion which can't possibly be called a fight.
In case anyone is reading this. I'm not writing for you. This is me-time. This is my mind, my messed up mind.
That last kiss was ambiguous.
That last hug was maybe the best one I ever had, the pure essence of a hug.
Somehow I think it would be so much easier if I could just hate. But it's not hate. I still love him, it just changed. I'm in love with the memories we share.
I'm gonna reside in the swimming pool of my mind where the question marks float,
...Created 2008-07-06 20:13:00 [ View Past Journals ] [ View as Blog ] |
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