--Elite Writer Alias: DeepDreamer2008 Name: Deep Dreamer ASL: 17/F/UK Bio: [ Quick Bio ] Website:[ Website ] Days Away: 4485 Life Story: Poet Within [ Ignore User ]
Favorites: 2 Forum Posts: 6 Shoutbox Posts: 1 RP Posts: 0 Signup Date: 5451 D 14.93 Years 1.49 Decades 181.7 Months 778.71 Weeks 5.451000e+8 Heart Beats -There you go eggman Quote: Poetry is the revelation of a feeling, that the poet believes to be interior and personal, which the reader recognises as his own.
thank you so much for your comment on black lettered spiders and loose legs. i did mean my girlfriend, not a literal baby, if that helps the interpretation at all. and i took your suggestion and changed the wording a bit in the sections you mentioned, thanks. they were good ideas, and i hope the word alterations help the flow of the stanza.
i'll be sure to read some of your poetry as well, come back and critique some more whenever you feel like it. thank you again!
Dreamer '08, Thanks for the comment and compliment. I took your advice and changed the 'I am..' to I'm. I see you deleted 50 writings, whats the deal? Regardless I look forward to reading some of your pieces.
Well I already told u I know nothing about meters and I just go by instinct in that field. As for "ones", I have no better idea either that is why I kept it.
As far as rhyme goes, I think I have had enough experience with it. I just started experimenting with free form. and most of the time I let the poem flow as it wants to, if it is rhyming then all good, if not then no rhyme.
I always liked rhyme too, so I totally get what you are trying to say, not to mention it makes the poem more of a challenge within the rhyme's restriction.
You will see with time, that I judge each piece on its own, if I compare with other works it is just because it can make my idea go through better. I don't read any piece with expectations. I also cite my own experience as example it does not have to mean you are the same.
Alia has an outstanding talent, I am very familiar with her style and I have seen her grow along the years I have been on ES. She always has a nice surprise in her bag.
But I still think you have a voice of your own and that you are capable of writing some really amazing pieces.
Your style reminds me a bit of how I started. I used repetitions a lot. But in the end I noticed that some get to be annoying more than serving a purpose.
And yeah written arabic is totally different from spoken arabic. It is like learning a whole new language in school.
I like french a lot, I tutor kids in the afternoon, so I get to review it which is great, I was getting rusty with it.
It is usually very helpful to the memory to be able to use the language.
And when I comment I never judge someone's work based on another, the comparison was just that. I judged sweet 16 as sweet 16 and not as any other.
I told u already i think u have a lot of potential, u have ur own style, which is great. You are not trying to hard, or trying to shove big important words so u can seem "poetic". This is all going in the right direction.
Your poetry flows naturally yet it still lacks your personal signature and this is something you can alone find when you are ready.
You mentioned that it was not evolving fast and u have been writing since u were 10. I am sure you have a very different approach from 8 years ago.
Dare to explore your feelings, dare to look more into them, I had a lot of trouble expressing things that were too intimate, I have gone through the part where I wrote about things I have seen, or how things are supposed to feel. Yet the best pieces come out when u dare challenge your feelings.
Believe it or not the "kiss in my sleep" is to me far more expressive than the sweet 16 because it is less detached.
Don't fret over evolving, it will come to u, keep exploring.