[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    --Elite Writer
    Alias: Dlawsonia
    Name: Stephanie J/M
    ASL: 20/Fe/Taylorsville, Utah
    Website:[ Education ]
    Blog: [ Blog ]
    Days Away: 1992
    Life Story: Gamer/AnimeGirl
    [ Ignore User ]

    Favorites: 1
    Forum Posts: 5
    Shoutbox Posts: 25
    RP Posts: 0
    Signup Date: 4350 D
    11.92 Years 1.19 Decades
    145 Months 621.43 Weeks
    4.350000e+8 Heart Beats
    -There you go eggman
    "As in the soft and sweet eclipse, When soul meets soul on lovers' lips." -Shelley


    [ Communicate asdf ]

    Recent Favorites:
    Shadows on a Fragile Mind by Aphotic Sunrise
    View all Faves

    [ + RSS ]
    [ + Google It ]
    [ + My Yahoo ]

    Journal: My Life...
    Mood: Unsure, hesitant, and very confused

    Real love and passion cannot be replaced by any shadow of happiness. To give yourself to someone you are fond of, but do not love. That would be the betrayal of the decade. A denial of self. I was almost prepared to do just that several months ago, but it wasn't to be. I couldn't be so selfless as I felt he deserved. I am only human, but I have known love. Real love. I earned it once without trying, it grew inside my heart and overflowed my body and mind to illuminate and heal my soul. It was like the sun had come to light up my icy world and I was afraid. I ran from it at first. I hid from him thinking surly he would burn me. His admiration for the real me is something I will never forget. I will always be grateful for what he did for me.
    I told him every fear, every hope, every truth in my existence, and he grew to love me and I him. He knew me better than I knew myself. I didn't have to be perfect, beautiful, smart or thin, he loved me for me and because I declared that no one should have to be any other way but what they are. He could love me for me, in all my bi-polar, odd and silly behavior; laughing hysterically about magic mushrooms one day and then filling sheets of paper with dark, shadowy things the same evening. It was a beautiful and very truly real love. Love that somehow happened to me when I had thought for sure that I was meant to live and die alone. That love ended. I'm so imperfect, so flawed. I don't hardly know what to do about it.
    I've spent the last couple years since high school trying to develop as a person, to get to know myself and to fill the gaping black hole inside my chest with music, family, friends and hope. I'm determined to live this life. There have been days when my determination has been all but shattered, but still I go on. I struggle with everything, sometimes it's like I can't look another human being in the face. I think I'm afraid they'll see my weakness. If they only knew how weak I was, how weak I am, they would pity me. My struggle is my own and I would rather die then let them know it's there. No one helped me before, and so now I know I can't rely on most people. It's my life and I'm going to live it how I want, doing the things that make me happy. I'm learning to be strong, and to be more independent. I can do anything, not the other way around. I don't need anyone now, but I've discovered how great life is when you share it with someone wonderful. Friends and family will never be taken for granted by me again. The only ones who can help me are the ones who love me. The ones who see me staying strong and living each day. I fall down, I stand up. I no longer care if life has some great meaning or purpose. I am making my life have meaning for me and those I care about. Maybe that's the purpose of my existence. I guess this is my life. Now what will I ever do with it? I love you guys. I'm gonna call some of you in the future. Or text you. Or maybe I'll just show up and give you a good hug. Because you matter to me. You really truly do.

    ...Created 2008-08-26 03:31:22     [ View Past Journals ]

    [ View as Blog ]

    dotsLast 20 Submissionsdots

    :|| V: 1021 | C: 6 ||:
    ::Dark : Class : Story :
     Wolf Change
    :|| V: 934 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     Lunar Play for the Dead...
    :|| V: 837 | C: 6 ||:
    ::Dark : Class : Poetry :
     Dream Sent
    :|| V: 819 | C: 4 ||:
    ::Longing : Class : Deep Thought :
     Random Rambling...
    :|| V: 779 | C: 5 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Poetry :
     Is This Real?
    :|| V: 766 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Poetry :
     Familiars Grin...
    :|| V: 737 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Vampire : Class : Story :
    :|| V: 587 | C: 0 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Random Thoughts :
     The Love I Never Had
    :|| V: 557 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Love : Class : Poetry :
     Coffee House Absorbtion
    :|| V: 463 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     Opaque Obscurity
    :|| V: 457 | C: 0 ||:
    ::Love : Class : Poetry :
    List All...

    ||| Messages |||
    Blessed Be. A very deep journal very personal and open-minded and sincere. I also shared in similar circumstances.
    Your commitments are very honourable and to be admired. Stay with it.
    And I have also placed my heartfelt self in my first commitment to ES as my first poem “In Peace”. Maybe share in the same deep experience. Also my journal is on the same road stuff. Joachim. Blessed Be.
    | Posted on 2009-07-16 01:31:03 | by Joachim - [ Reply to This ] -
    Merry Meet. Thknz for the comms on Judge Not and glad you liked it. It can be some food for thought = me thinks -mayhap. I took sneak-peek at your journal as I opened your page - will read now and give some insight. Blessed Be, jm.
    | Posted on 2009-07-16 01:12:11 | by Joachim - [ Reply to This ] -
    hows it goin
    | Posted on 2009-02-24 10:09:46 | by Aphotic Sunrise - [ Reply to This ] -
    Hey, I'm new here. I found this site while looking for the poem "Wolf Change" on google. The one from "Blood and Chocolate." I just wanted to say Thank you sooo much for posting it. I lost my copy of the book and haven't been able to get to go to get a new one. I've been trying to find the poem for days, it's one of my favorites. Not to mention I found this great site aswell. So, yeah. ^.^ Thankies.
    | Posted on 2008-02-19 00:27:26 | by BitterSweetPain - [ Reply to This ] -
    Thanks for the comment.
    I was in an angsty mood, and I was listening to the emo kid song...
    Hahahaha, reading that piece again makes me laugh harder than when I actually wrote it. xD
    | Posted on 2007-07-01 09:50:44 | by Jazzy - [ Reply to This ] -
    Yeah, I know, deviantart has some talented artist (I'm on it myself!) Anywoo, if you have one, you can add me to your myspace. (www.myspace.com/sinfullytruthful
    | Posted on 2007-06-08 11:36:46 | by Twisted - [ Reply to This ] -

    Format Text?

    Forum id=#36951

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Wavelength written by saartha
    The Promise written by annie0888
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Bond written by saartha
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Linger written by saartha
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Giving written by jjd




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]