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    poetry


    --Elite Writer
    Alias: Dreamy Demise
    Name: Andrea men
    ASL: 16/f/cali
    Website:[ Website ]
    Days Away: 4528
    Life Story: good lil catholic
    [ Ignore User ]

    Favorites: 1
    Forum Posts: 1
    Shoutbox Posts: 0
    RP Posts: 0
    Signup Date: 5321 D
    14.58 Years 1.46 Decades
    177.37 Months 760.14 Weeks
    5.321000e+8 Heart Beats
    -There you go eggman
    Quote:
    Ignorance is bliss, but intelligence opens new doors and love helps you get through what ever lays behind them

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    Journal: Newbie
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Yeay!!
      
    I signed up today. Finally, a productive distraction! I already submitted a couple old poems, and I can't wait to write more. I have more incentive to write, to hear all of your lovely comments and suggestions of course.


    ...Created 2006-04-01 23:04:54     [ View Past Journals ]

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    dotsLast 20 Submissionsdots

    Featured: Clear View

     Red Light Go.
    :|| V: 503 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Poetry :
     The Facade Scene
    :|| V: 606 | C: 1 ||:
    :: : Class : Rant :
     Your Actions vs. My Words
    :|| V: 583 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Venting : Class : Poetry :
     This Strangers Life
    :|| V: 649 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Misc :
     Him. My Demise.
    :|| V: 768 | C: 0 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Poetry :
     You loose I win
    :|| V: 618 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Venting : Class : Poetry :
     Children of the Holocaust II
    :|| V: 601 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Serious : Class : Story :
     Children of the Holocaust
    :|| V: 647 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Serious : Class : Story :
     A Simple Move
    :|| V: 613 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Poetry :
     Featured workClear View
    :|| V: 586 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Being a Teen : Class : Poetry :
     A Newness
    :|| V: 568 | C: 0 ||:
    ::Me : Class : Poetry :
     Phonetic Surrender
    :|| V: 614 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Venting : Class : Poetry :
    List All...





    ||| Messages |||
      
    Hi Andrea,

    I'm grateful my comments weren't taking defensively, I know poets to get rather sensitive when it comes to others criticising their work. You asked me for a more detailed analysis. This is literally my own version of the poem you've written. I shall take each verse and edit as I would do if the poem was my own. Then I'll show you that edition and you may take certain phrases I added and replace them in the original piece.

    Do not think that by what I will propose I think you should use. There is no right and wrong in poetry; only different versions of a theme. This will be my version. I'll send it to you privately so as not to impress my edition. Take and leave what you want. Keep in mind that much of the meaning will change along with my wording. I don't expect you to be pleased by the result.

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2006-11-03 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    hi there
    im glad u like QUALMS, i would like you to read Chicken or egg too, i think u'll like it...
    peace
    Mihir
    | Posted on 2006-08-20 00:00:00 | by mihir - [ Reply to This ] -



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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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