--Elite Writer Alias: Dreamy Demise Name: Andrea men ASL: 16/f/cali Website:[ Website ] Days Away: 4528 Life Story: good lil catholic [ Ignore User ]
Favorites: 1 Forum Posts: 1 Shoutbox Posts: 0 RP Posts: 0 Signup Date: 5321 D 14.58 Years 1.46 Decades 177.37 Months 760.14 Weeks 5.321000e+8 Heart Beats -There you go eggman Quote: Ignorance is bliss, but intelligence opens new doors and love helps you get through what ever lays behind them
I signed up today. Finally, a productive distraction! I already submitted a couple old poems, and I can't wait to write more. I have more incentive to write, to hear all of your lovely comments and suggestions of course.
I'm grateful my comments weren't taking defensively, I know poets to get rather sensitive when it comes to others criticising their work. You asked me for a more detailed analysis. This is literally my own version of the poem you've written. I shall take each verse and edit as I would do if the poem was my own. Then I'll show you that edition and you may take certain phrases I added and replace them in the original piece.
Do not think that by what I will propose I think you should use. There is no right and wrong in poetry; only different versions of a theme. This will be my version. I'll send it to you privately so as not to impress my edition. Take and leave what you want. Keep in mind that much of the meaning will change along with my wording. I don't expect you to be pleased by the result.