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ES Magazine p.2


Name: ES Magazine Page two
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Mood: The Usual
  

@
__ESM__



Welcome to the second page of our November Edition.
We have some interesting pieces that will hopefully get
you thinking (and maybe laughing)….




_Essay_



Meet your Nemesis


by Kiddo



Why do some people put themselves down?
It's because they want the natural euphoria of being
reassured that they are fine. They want that feeling
of relief. It's like a psychological drug, to give you a
happiness so high that it goes away before you even
know what hit you. Some might say that this is self-
destructive behavior. On some level it is. It's like a certain
saying I've come across: Why did the man keep hitting
himself with a brick? Because it feels so good when he stops.
It's like forcing yourself to stay outside on a scorching day,
just for the feeling of relaxation when you step into your air
conditioned apartment. This brings me to my next topic:

The brain conspires against itself. I came across this
belief when talking to a young homosexual who has just
came out of the closet. He said that after he thought
about his attractions, he noticed that he really didn't
feel any attraction to females. And yet, he cried when
his girlfriend broke up with him. This is sounds ridiculous.
The fact that he never really liked women, yet he felt so
intensely when his female partner broke up with him, is
ridiculous. But in my mind, believable. The mind was getting
worried. It knew, deep down, the negative things about
coming out. So, just like any right mind in its right mind
would do, it tried to rescue itself. It fooled itself, much like
saying something that goes against what you really believe
until your whole outlook changes. It hid the truth in those
dark corners of the mind, the ones that could only be accessed
by deep thought. The thing that cause the deep thought for
this young man was his gay friend. This person knew exactly
what he was getting into when he decided he was gay, because
he knew what it was like to a considerable degree. He also knew
the negative affects, and the mind decided that the good
things weren't worth it. And for a while, he believed this.
But, when faced with something straight in front of you, it is
extremely hard to hide.

Another case is of one that could actually help you. In a way,
though. If you are in an entire school, and you act different
(gay, lesbian, Goth, whatever), you deny yourself. Only
superficially, though. Its not your choice, its just the right
thing to do. When someone else is acting weird, and the
others laugh, you have to laugh, too. If someone is getting
picked on because they use certain words that are dubbed
"stupid" or "complicated" or "confusing", you make a note
in your subconscious that says "Don't ever use that word."
And for a while, you are safe. You are Anonymous, just another
part of the crowd. You don't want to be the center of attention,
you don't want your faults to be obvious to everyone.
And for awhile, this can actually work.

This is until you begin to get so used to it that you believe
that you are smooth sailing enough to start to reveal your true
self. And this is when it all starts to fall apart. One minute, you
are Jerry the Normal Guy, the next minute you are Jerome the
Eccentric Loner. And by that time, you have confused yourself.
Now everyone's having an identity crisis and it all goes down
shit’s creek.

A double edged sword. You can risk the identity crises for
a few months or years of fitting in, or you can start out as
yourself and endure. Unfortunately, your subconscious is
going to know the default answer. It has come to a decision.
A decision you don't know about until its way too late.

Its creepy, isn't it? You always thought you could trust yourself.
Now, you have the chance to be a double agent. On your
conscious's side, pretending to trust your unconscious, but
really trying to catch it in the act of conspiring. That’s the
only way I can think of to escape the inevitable.

And this brings me to my conclusion. You try to save yourself,
but in most cases, you can't. Even if you try your best, this is
the default. Meet your doppelganger. The only advice I can give
you on this is: trust no one. Especially yourself.

Thank you and good day,
Kiddo.


And now

A Word from

Max Million


Max is a frequenter of the RP section, a friend of Kiddo,
and writes poetry on occasion.


ESM: We interviewed your friend Kael in the last issue on the
subject of RPing; is there anything you have to say yourself about
the RP section?

Max: In all honesty the RP section has gone down hill. Not just a bit,
but a lot. There have been ideas thrown around, some good some bad,
on how to solve all the problems the RP section is facing. Right now I think
it's in limbo.

ESM: You are open about being a homosexual; what concerns you
about the subject of homosexuals on eliteskills?

Max:

Really that there is a good number of homosexuals on ES, yet we
have no way of letting it become known. I mean it's not like I'm asking
for a gay pride day or something. Just some recognition.

ESM: Are there any problems or issue's that you would like to see
addressed in the continuation of ESM?

Max:

First and foremost is the restoration of the RP and poetry sections
of ES. That is the biggest problem facing us and, as such, it should
be addressed first. ESM: Do you think ESM has been useful in it's
purpose of improving interest and feedback on this site? If so, how?

Max:

I personally think ESM has been very helpful in its purpose. As with
most media outlets it helps to keep members informed, especially of
the parts of the site that need to be fixed.


***

If you have any responses to this interview, send them
To us via PM.

***<*>***


_Featured_




Death’s Wind

By vencix


As I stand in front of your tomb stone,
Thinking of what the life we could of had together,
Crying and trying to dry my eyes,
but I can't because you left me behind
With nothing but a memory of what we were,
as a cold wind starts to blow.
I put on my jacket and start to walk home,
But even though it is on,
I am cold;
And as the cold seeps into my bone's,
A cold sleep takes hold.
And as I turn around and look at your grave
and head towards it,
I fall.
As deaths arms embrace me
and the wind blows
I fall into an endless sleep,
Never to wake up again.

***


""When you come to a fork in the road, take it.""

-Yogi Bara



...Created 2007-11-15 22:16:09     [ View Past Journals ]

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| Posted on 2009-09-26 15:53:11 | by fattestpirate - [ Reply to This ] -
  
Note: this is not the new page. It's from the last isssue. It should be ready soon.
f
| Posted on 2007-12-15 15:06:09 | by ES Magazine - [ Reply to This ] -
  
ok
| Posted on 2007-09-16 18:13:16 | by vencix - [ Reply to This ] -
  
i dont remeber where it is srry
| Posted on 2007-09-10 12:51:35 | by vencix - [ Reply to This ] -
  
i dont remeber where it is srry
| Posted on 2007-09-10 12:50:51 | by vencix - [ Reply to This ] -
  
hey jen im on for only a coulpe of days and then im off cach me in the chat room
| Posted on 2007-09-03 16:24:25 | by vencix - [ Reply to This ] -



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