“Are you sure how?” he asked skeptically as if he could see through my lie. I’m a bad liar I admit.
“I ate the pineapples Thomas bought for me so you do not need to worry…” I told him.
I told myself should not let him find out since he wants out of it. It is okay I can handle it by myself. I’m a big girl.
“Eliza, okay shall we meet up and I would bring you to the doctor using my savings. We need to make sure it is being done properly. Aborted it properly how very sure it is already aborted? Alex wanted it to be scraped and flushed from my womb. Period….
“No!” I yelled
“Why?” “You didn’t abort it right? You lied!”
“I had to; you wanted to run away from responsibility I couldn’t bring myself to abort it. He is my flesh and blood.” I told him wanting the conversation to end quickly.
“I want to have the baby all to myself I do not want after giving birth to him. And then when he grows up you would then take him away from me.” I told him angrily feeling resentful and spiteful.
“You are selfish Eliza”
“Yes! I am at least for once let me be selfish since you want to run away from responsibility. This child is a gift from God” I told him
“It is a blessing for married people. Eliza listen you are not thinking straight you are not in your right senses, you are currently unemployed and you are not prepared” and he goes on and on. “Let us meet and talk face to face.” He coaxed.
I knew what he said made sensed. I stubbornly did not want to meet up with him because I knew I would end up on the operating room aborting my baby. What about the after the abortion does he have any thoughts of my feelings, the pain that I would go through during the abortion and after it. The guilty feeling that I would have to bear with in the upcoming years. It seems so easy for him to say. It was a way out for him.
He goes on and on about other stuff when I broached about religion saying we should not kill innocence. It gets more and more hurtful. He did not care about me he cared and loved himself in the expense of Jeffrey and me.
“This time I threw caution into the wind, yes I’m being stupid but I believe in Him – my lord He would provide me”
“You choose is it me or your flesh and blood? He gave me the ultamanium.
“Please do not put me in this spot I would love to have both of you” “But he needs me more than you and he cannot live without me.”
“You choose….your flesh and blood instead…” You do not love me, we then go our separate ways” he said.
I prayed to God that I would not be aborting this child as I saw a lot of signs of his Signs. There’s was a movie yesterday starring Salma Hayek of which she acted as a single mother. Ok! I would not abort it I will carry it till his is born. But Lord you have to help me please pave a smooth road for me.
telling me that he had just experience multiple orgasms. After a while I tried to stand up, I then saw semen spilling out from the top of the condom.
“Yours or mine? Asked Alex
“Yours, the condom must have burst” I told him, his face changed, he looked paled. To make him feel better him, I knew he did not want me to get pregnant. While on the other hand I had wanted to marry him and have his babies. I had always respected his decision.
“Don’t worry I won’t get pregnant” I took a piece of tissue and put in my vagina and scoop what I could from inside.
“See all out...” I told him. Secretly I was hoping I was having my ovulation on that day.
That day was 31st January it was exactly 14 days after my last day of menses. I didn’t realize then about it so much but I did think it’s around one of these dates. Prior before Alex came to meet me I notice a whitish sticky stain something that looks like egg white on my panties. I had slight fever and I thought because I had caught a cold because I was under drizzling rain a few days ago.
I went to have a shower but while showering I was hoping that I would get pregnant that my egg would meet his sperm. It was a wishful thinking but I kept praying for it to happen I badly wanted his baby. I prayed in the church a few days ago and wishing that I would walk downs the aisle with him.
I had experience headaches on 13th February. It was Hari Raya Haji, a Public Holiday when Alex took me to a five star hotel to celebrate our Valentine’s Day. Alex had also celebrated his birthday on 2nd February so it was like a double celebration. We had the whole day to ourselves. I had history of migraine (partly due to my grinding during my sleep, its genetics) so I brush it off as normal. We had a wonderful time that day.
“This is an expensive hotel! I exclaimed “You do not need to go to this extent”
“I want this to be a special day for you and I want you to feel like a princess” Alex told me. It was the sweetest gesture I ever had from a man. “But promise that you would not do it again I do not want you to waste your money” I said.
I went back home the next day, he sent me. I told myself I would remember it always. The talk we had the kisses we had. We bathe together too, it was hilarious...
“Let’s not say sex, let us say we made love” he continue talking on the phone
“It does not sound nice with the word sex...”
“How about this we abort the baby if I’m pregnant. Agreed? I asked. I had wanted him to stop me. To tell me NO! ELIZA! I do not want you to do it. It is our baby. Let us do the right thing let’s have the baby and I would be with you till the end. You know the kindda of what you see in movies. It did not happen that way.
Alex who is 175cm tall with short black hair, lean body and is with good looks. – Alex whom I thought was the ‘right one’ for me. One who fits my list of qualities I would want in a man. We met at one of the seminars I attended. He had just left his auditor job and was a month into his new job as an insurance agent. I was swept over my feet by his looks and how smart he is.
I felt a strange kind of vibration in my uterus while I lay lying down one night. I lay down wondering why I had tendency to get up these few days. Especially late at nights to the toilet to pee and I had a hard time holding it. One of my breasts started to feel sore. I was wondering to myself. Could I be pregnant, could I?
I pressed my hands over my uterus and could felt the vibration I actually thought it was the baby’s heartbeat. It was actually the implantation of fertilization. I was about a week shy from my expected menses.
Should I carry on the thought of abortion…the thought of killing an innocent baby? Would I be able to live throughout the rest of my life while the guilt would haunt me? How would I able to prove to Alex that I was carrying his child if he questions the paternity of it. How would I be able to explain my actions? I had made a blunder, a mistake. To have premarital sex but I would not want to make another mistake of taking a life.
An acquaintance had bought for me two young pineapples, I had heard that you could experience a miscarriage after eating it if you are pregnant. I could not continue to bring myself to peel the skin of the pineapple to eat it. I kept having images of babies and I could not go on….No!……I cannot!!. I cannot do this!! I was wrestling with my own conscience.
I called Alex.. “I had aborted it”