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    poetry


    --Elite Writer
    Alias: GorgeousCorpse
    Name: yes, really, it's Cameo
    ASL: b.1983/fem.
    Website:[ Website ]
    Days Away: 4095
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    12.2 Years 1.22 Decades
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    -There you go eggman
    Quote:


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    Journal:
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: The Usual
      
    nobody likes me everybody hates me i'm gonna eat some worms...

    j/k

    i miss everybody :(


    ...Created 2006-09-15 13:25:01     [ View Past Journals ]

    [ View as Blog ]

    dotsLast 20 Submissionsdots

     little girl
    :|| V: 962 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Dark : Class : Random Thoughts :
     my saviour
    :|| V: 723 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Depressed : Class : Poetry :
     spare parts
    :|| V: 834 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Comedy : Class : Poetry :
     thrust
    :|| V: 709 | C: 3 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     make no mistake
    :|| V: 1556 | C: 4 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Poetry :
     all for you [blame]
    :|| V: 781 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Venting : Class : Rant :
     pnssy
    :|| V: 1634 | C: 3 ||:
    ::Happy : Class : Poetry :
     senseless
    :|| V: 729 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Alone : Class : Poetry :
     irrelevant
    :|| V: 952 | C: 1 ||:
    ::I am dead inside : Class : Random Thoughts :
    List All...





    ||| Messages |||
      
    on "make no mistake"

    no room by the poem to comment..

    the momentum increases with the length of stanzas..that works...as the speaker is so unfeeling and just gets on a "spit in your face" rant...

    "leave you broken on the floor"

    i was thinking something like "and leave the spoils on the floor"

    might leave a little more to the imagination as to what the speaker exactly means by that..

    just a thought...since you were uncomfortable with that line..

    but this poem is really strong in its straight at you style...

    and there is such attitude...

    even without the description...we would be able to get a sense of the speaker...

    i always leave the descriptions alone so the reader can get what he or she sees ---leaves more space.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-04-17 18:07:32 | by jacoberin - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    Hey there, saw you in the flashchat, but I was away at work.
    | Posted on 2006-08-11 00:00:00 | by Lonesomeghost - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    OOps, sorry for the late reply, but really, thanks for your comment on my submussion wall thingy.. ;)
    I'm sure i'll check something odf yours soon ok?

    *hugs*

    Janneke
    | Posted on 2006-09-06 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    Thanks for the comment on "Liars..etc" (I didn't feel like typin it out ) Of coure the end is immature! I'm an immature teen! not really but sometimes. Plus I couldn't think of an ending, lol. Anyways, glad ya liked it and thanks for the comment!


    ~Kat
    | Posted on 2006-09-01 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it. but you're right the reason shy i am bouncing back and forth is even though i feel like i've won, I am still battling.
    | Posted on 2006-09-01 00:00:00 | by Cherub Winter - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    Hi, Piggs here, just popped over to say a warm thank you in your direction. I'm glad that most of my peices entertain you!

    Keep writin' yourself!

    ~Truffs
    | Posted on 2006-08-28 00:00:00 | by Trufflepiggy - [ Reply to This ] -



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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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