No, I wasn't suggesting anything about what you are like as a person, or how tough you have it, I was on about how you were coming across in your writing, two different things. Of course I have no problem taking a look at it re-written but to be honest there was little to defend, I fail to see what the motiff was, how it was different from what any other teenager would say about the world, it's not that what you said was a pack of lies, more that it was an over-simplistic view. If I were you (and I'm not and you shouldn't take anything I say too seriously), I would just move on and write something new, something that plays more to whatever stregnths you have, people who are less well traveled than others would do well to keep things local, for instance I have never fought in a world war, nore been to a war-torn country, so I don't ussually write about that kind of thing unless I've been imapcated, it would be very easy for me to say however, that Bush is a war-monger etc etc, but I don't claim to know enough about the subject. I can write much better about the current events of my life, as a poet and a writer you should stop looking at everyone else and have a good look inside yourself (and don't be overly critical of what you see). Don't put words in your own mouth that you've heard from othe people, not unless you know they are absolutely true.
I guess I'm feeding you a crock of bulls.hit here, but it's very easy to see a young writers short-comings, in the same way that an English teacher or college lecturer would see right through mine, it's sometimes difficult to appreciate how much work a person did or didn't put into their work, but can't be overly defensive when it comes to critique, theres no need to look for my judgement on a revised piece, it might influence the way you write it too much. Keep going as your going and don't worry too much about what people on an online writing forum say.