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I wish I could speak jive. I bought the audio tapes but they're still in their packages on my floor.

I've decided languages are useless, I'm going to communicate through writing and obscene eyebrow gestures. Mostly the latter.

I have quite a collection of water bottles piling up around me. I never thought about it in terms of piss, but it's a hell of a lot. I figure if we could make a car that runs on piss, we'd be all set. You'd just have to stick your junk into your car. I guess it depends on your car, but I wouldn't really want to stick my junk in MY car.

Nobody reads books, either. There are a lot of books, more than there are movies or people or ideas. Every idea you've ever head, someone else has turned into a book. Not only have they beat you in thinking it, they got it freaking published.

I once tried to change my name to Vinny. I was getting sick of Kevin and Kev just doesn't suit it as a nickname. Then I realize Vinny kinda sucks too. My child will not be given a sucky name. I'll also make sure to be a horrible, selfish parent so that when he's older he can write a memoire about just how awful I was and it will be a best-seller and made into a movie starring Pierce Brosnan. As me, of course. That or resurrect Sean Connery. He's not dead, you say? Did you see League of Extraordinary Gentleman? Yes, he is dead. Quite dead.