-------------------------------------------Mood: Ugh... I hate my life.
Alright so. There's this girl. You might be able to guess the rest, but ima continue anyway. And this girl was going out with another guy. The girl's name is abby and the guy's name is conor. So abby is a thespian, and really into art and literature and stuff. And conor is a creative writer. At some point they hooked up (i don't remember how long ago). Then there was a time when their relationship was in limbo. And I was the one that abby clung to at lunch and in the morning and such. But i didn't do anything, because conor is a really good friend of mine. So I comforted her as best as i could, but i didn't really know what was happening, and mostly just stayed there as someone to lean on. After a bit, about a two/three weeks, conor's ex starts getting a little jealous, and by getting, i mean she was physically displaying her jealousy. I'm not going to go there though. Anywho. Abby sees this and detaches from me and hops back on the conor bus. That night i wrote about half of the poetry i've submitted here. So abby is able to ward conor's ex off and abby and conor get back together (i think, i don't know if they ever actually separated). So i'm depressed, cause i like abby. But i kinda get over it. Not really. Skip ahead a bit. About thursday, yearbooks come out. And on friday abby asks me to sign her yearbook. And i make the stupidest, most god da/mn moronic decision that i have ever made. I write in her yearbook the poem Distractions (one of my poems, see below). And afterwards, I start to actually think about what i did. And i want to cry. Because i professed my love for her in that poem. And she's still going out with conor. I think i had intended to convey that i loved her, but i was going to stay away because of conor. I'm pretty sure i failed miserably. She barely spoke to me today. She's usually bright and cheery and talkative. But she was quiet today. She maybe spoke two sentences about me, not to me. So i'm depressed because i'm about 90% sure that she hates me, and the other 10% is my ego trying to maintain itself. It sucks a whole bunch when you anger someone you love. And then i've got a condition where i have ocd, but it tends to only work at school (desks out of align, papers not square, those god damn chalk boards, pencils slanted, books out of order, the list goes on) and when someone else around me is being ocd. Over the weekend, i was visiting some friends, and this one guys was ocd, to a much greater extent than i am. And so he does ocd things, and it's all i can do to not be ocd as well. And this lasts for quite a bit of time. So today, i'm all ocd and depressed and it sucks cause it's really really effing hard to deal with both at the same time. When i try to deal with one, the other pops up and screws things up. It's really really annoying. That's why i hate my life atm.
...Created 2007-05-21 19:38:03 [ View Past Journals ] [ View as Blog ]