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I know i shouldn't cuz it just shows that i can't let go, but i have to so please understand...

I miss my mom, that's all...



So it's been awhile since i saw you last. Sometime in 2003, the day before you left me. I saw you fade away from the reality that people fail to see. I miss you mom, so damn damn much that it still hurts to even think about you. I sometimes still think that i'm gonna get that call on my birthday and for some reason when i feel really down i swear i can pick up the phone and call you for some advice.

Tricks, just tricks of the mind...

I miss you mom and i love you. I need you here now more than ever. You taught me so much and still had so much more to teach me. Damn if you could see the kids and how big they are. I know, they all say you can see them from up there, but we all know it's not the same. The kids drive me crazy but i love them with all my heart, just like you did me and all my brothers and sisters. You still mean the world to me. lol, actually no, you mean more than that, but you get the point.

If you could see me now, i've grown into a man. A quite handsome man at that, lol. I know, i still got a big head but you're the one who raised me to be like this.

I need you here, to look into my eyes and sort out my thoughts and feelings cuz i just can't do it anymore. You taught me to live this life happy. You taught me to love those who love me and to even love those who hate me. I'm very grateful for your time and i was honored to be your son. I made a shit load of mistakes but you were always there to make things better.

I miss that...

I just wanted to say Happy Birthday now, i know it's on the 25th, but if i wait any longer i won't be able to write this. As the days count down towards your birthday i lose myself more and more mom.

I can't take it...
I want to see you...

I love you mom, and despite all the stupid things i've done after you passed away, for some reason i still feel you next to me. You play a cruel game with me sometimes. I don't smell you, or see you, or even dream about you for that matter and sometimes it really gets the best of me.

Thanks for everything, you did a fine job with all your kids. I'll admit i sometimes look to the stars for a sign, but never get one. I want to see you as a damn ghost or phatom, shit, haunt me for all i care. I just wanna see you. Just once. Please...

I can't stop writing but i have to. I can go on forever about how well you treated me and all the times you bent yourself backwards for me. So i just wanted to say that i love you mom and i miss the shit out of you...

Happy Birthday...