--Elite Writer Alias: Lelik Name: Daryl Bredenkamp ASL: 40/M/Jhb - South Africa Website:[ Website ] Days Away: 3503 Life Story: Born and alive [ Ignore User ]
Favorites: 132 Forum Posts: 0 Shoutbox Posts: 0 RP Posts: 0 Signup Date: 6175 D 16.92 Years 1.69 Decades 205.83 Months 882.14 Weeks 6.175000e+8 Heart Beats -There you go eggman Quote: What captures your attention determines your action.
I like your suggestions and will consider "blooming". Sorry to be so long responding, been rather hectic here. I very much appreciate your input. Cheers~Chris
Hi and thanks for the critical look. I've reinstated my original first line in hopes that it addresses the problem you see with the tenses. This started out as almost twice the length and I am wondering if I have pared away too much.
I'm going to keep 'moaning' for now because smouldering is too sibilant, and too expected, and moaning emphasizes the 'm' sounds in the rest.
Thanks again for your input, it helps a great deal.
~Chris
thanks for intercostal muscles mate and yes, the small ones get overlooked don't they?
except by those that know their worth.
it's never a bore to feck about with words and that is why i'm stil here on this bench i guess - it's not a bad place to come when you've got something to say - or not...