-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual
It is such a glorious occurrence when your love and adoration for something can grow from where you previously thought that no growth was possible. It is similar to a mother grasping her newborn child in her arms knowing that she could love her child no more, because surely the human heart cannot contain such quantity of emotion; only to wake the following morning to realize what she previously felt was shadowed by her newfound love. This is what has happened to me, in a way. I thought that I had given all I could to my music. I had nothing left to offer, I had laid my heart on the line and my music had always been there, always loving me even more.
I sat in the practice room today, sweat dripping from my brow, working harder than I ever had before, when a realization hit me that what I felt was only the tip of a glacier in the ocean. While still enormous in itself, it does not even compare to what is below. Today I discovered what it is below me; I fell in love with music again. The experience revived me and made me whole again.
For some time I had been questioning why I played music. Why I would give so much into something, without promise that it will work out. I found the answer today. The truth is, it is because I can everything I have to my craft, and that won’t ever be enough. Everything I give to my love, it can give back to me. And yes, it can be frustrating, just like any relationship. The difference is however, that as long as I have faith in my music, it will never let me down. I have poured every part of who I am into this relationship, to the point that we cannot be differentiated. And right now I would have it no other way.
...Created 2008-10-07 04:58:51 [ View Past Journals ] [ View as Blog ]