Mood: The Usual
Hello, you. How goes the day? Good? Hey, that's great. I've an idea: let's be honest. Can we do that? Are we brave enough? Okiedokie. Earlier today I noticed myself in the bathroom mirror; not like you notice yourself while brushing your teeth or shaving or whatever, no, I mean really noticed. Took note. Guess what? Turns out I'm not 18 anymore. Not 25. Not 30... (If there was an age I could go back to and stay forever it would be 33. I don't even have to think about it. Life was good at 33. 33 was my goldilocks age, dig?) Anyway, yessir, time is doing it's thing. I'm not overly bummed by it or anything it's just that it kind of takes you by surprise when you really notice. When you realize. So, let's see, I have: Seen beauty seen ugly believed not believed lied been lied to been lied about stolen given fucked fought worked hard been lazy tried given up been given up on fucked and fought some more had crushes I never acted on had crushes I should have never acted on followed led learned forgot done more than my fair share of drugs listened didn't listen hated loved been depressed been really depressed fell down bled got up healed yelled screamed kicked searched found lost smoked too much drank too much followed my heart had my heart broken broke a heart won lost failed let down been let down followed through laughed cried fucked some more fought some more been broke had money made friends lost friends walked away ran toward fucked up been sorry created mended destroyed repaired tore down sweated worried about nothing slept in didn't sleep jumped in jumped on cheated missed someone moved on earned a scar driven all night been polite been rude not given a fuck given a fuck broken the rules tripped tumbled stumbled rolled rambled gambled staggered woke up the neighbors wondered wandered wrote a hundred poems about it lost a hundred poems about it... A little bit country, a little bit rock n roll, a little bit of an asshole. (Also: never been in a fully completely healthy relationship. Oh, sure, they've started out that way (sometimes) and have even gone on that way for long periods of time but then... I'm looking into it. At some point you have to come to the realization that you've been a contributing factor in all those train wrecks, so, yeah. Ya know?) I feel good. Earlier this week I drove by a bunch of kids riding bikes and four wheelers in the aftermath of a rainstorm. Smiled about that for a long time. I didn't even know kids were allowed outside anymore. Hell, I didn't know anyone of any age was doing much of anything anymore. I was under the impression everyone just tweeted about how rad whatever it is they were doing was so that everyone else would know that, surely, this person who has provided the rest of the world with such rad insight must indeed be super rad themselves. Gosh, I wish I was rad too. (I kid. Sort of.). What was I talking about? Oh, Yep, I'll be 41 this year. I told myself 40 was gonna be a bounce back year and so far it has been everything it needed to be. Did I mention I feel good? I do. I feel like I'm better at a lot of things. I'm better at realistically remembering the whys and hows of things. For sure. I'm better at knowing that some things are better left alone. Dead, whatever. There are certain people I will always miss for certain reasons. I might even miss you. I might not. I miss the energy this site used to have. The give and take. The heartfelt and the ridiculous conversations... Time is doing it's thing. And all I ever wanted was a girl with a banjo tattooed on her knee. That would mean everything to me. (K, that was just weird) . Well, if I happen to write anything I'll probably put it here. If I don't I'll probably put it here anyway. If I write something and it seems familiar it probably isn't. If I write something at all it more than likely isn't about you know, whatever. Unless it is. It all comes to me in fractured chants from some mountain monastery where monks in tattered robes are eating lamb stew and drinking beer. Crazy,happy monks. Especially fuck you if you can't take a joke. Smash yer head on the punk rock, kids. Are we brave enough? This was fun. I feel good. The mutt's nuts.
Hello megaswell :-) sorry for late reply. You asked about the title of my poem 'De' . it is just a prefix as a symbol of negativity and darkness. Most of discouraging words start with that prefix. Like decompose.. Deflower.. Degenerate.. Defame.. Deforest etc.
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