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Nero_s Decay


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Signup Date: 5740 D
15.73 Years 1.57

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Unkempt Hair

Mood: The Usual
  
Sin is the only thing that's pure these days.

Over my absence, my writing has... decayed.
Nails in the coffin... just nails. In. The. Coffin.


...Created 2008-05-11 00:28:09     [ View Past Journals ]

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Nero wrote - would have taken the point out of the story which is: survival. no death or life ended too soon. survival after a tragedy

Well, here's the thing, Nero. I didn't get that point. What I got was a predictable story that seemed watered down at the end. As I said, my suggestions were not intended to change the direction of your story, but the power was in the first part. Now, if you want the point to be the survival, then perhaps you should focus more on the last part than on the first and write it more powerfully.

I'm sorry you didn't like my review, but the fact was and remains that the second half of your story was not as well-written as the first half.

mae
| Posted on 2007-03-20 00:27:31 | by mae - [ Reply to This ] -
  
Hey, thanks for your comment on "White Washed Walls", glad that you liked it.

--Sandi
| Posted on 2007-02-26 14:34:41 | by Dimension_X - [ Reply to This ] -
  
thanks for the comment on "nevermore"... i hope that wasnt the only piece of mine you read because i feel that its a bad representation of my writing style... Nevermore was meant to just try and relieve me of some emotion, which it did. it wasnt a conscious thought. thanks for stopping by, and i hope you'll read something that was written a little better.
recomendations:
"detention"
"consider this"

peace.
~Shadia
| Posted on 2007-02-26 08:12:40 | by Shadia Dark - [ Reply to This ] -
  
thanks for the comment on "nevermore"... i hope that wasnt the only piece of mine you read because i feel that its a bad representation of my writing style... Nevermore was meant to just try and relieve me of some emotion, which it did. it wasnt a conscious thought. thanks for stopping by, and i hope you'll read something that was written a little better.
recomendations:
"detention"
"consider this"

peace.
~Shadia
| Posted on 2007-02-26 08:12:39 | by Shadia Dark - [ Reply to This ] -
  
Hi Nero_s

I just checked on what you did to your poem its excellent good job.Its an excellent poem I hope more people read it.Its true what happens to us when we have all these thoughts and lines in our head and when we can't unscramble them it can make a person mad in the head.Take care Nero_s I will be back later to read more of your poetry right now I have to go off line but I will be back again great job man
| Posted on 2007-02-25 14:52:07 | by deluka - [ Reply to This ] -
  
Hello Nero,
Thankyou for the comment and for the help
I did remove the punctuation you were right thankyou for seeing that and telling me much appreciated.
| Posted on 2007-02-25 05:58:35 | by deluka - [ Reply to This ] -



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