Thanks for commenting on 'Unsaid.' I totally appreciated your constructive honesty and feelings on the piece.
This poem was a fusion of two different pieces, but the body of the idea came to me when I was cooking dinner, quite suddenly, and quite forcefully.
While some people might add to their work and build on it after penning the initial notes, I find most of what I do is slashing, and it can be brutal. This is also where I can run into a challenge of sorts.
I was pretty happy with the feel of this one, as well as the sentiment, if not the phrasing. When I attempted to change some of it to be less tired and more striking, it came off something like trying too hard, so I opted to leave it alone and hope the message and the music would be enough to make up for it.
Thanks for saying what you did though, because it gives me an idea of what to shoot for.