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    --Elite Writer
    Alias: Outlaw
    Name: Marc
    ASL: Edging on 27.
    Bio: [ Quick Bio ]
    Website:[ Education ]
    Days Away: 80
    Life Story: Lazy af.
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    Favorites: 39
    Forum Posts: 348
    Shoutbox Posts: 0
    RP Posts: 52
    Signup Date: 5607 D
    15.36 Years 1.54 Decades
    186.9 Months 801 Weeks
    5.607000e+8 Heart Beats
    -There you go eggman
    Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.


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    Currently Stalking: Origami, all the english boys, morte, girlinthephoto, erreur, whatyouwill

    Mood: The Usual
    Ceci n'est pas un poème

    Bursting and bustling ideals
    busted open by a stalled out engine
    where do you go when you lose your 'go'
    Stained and stayed, left to right, anything will do
    just to not be alone. you're groaning
    at these growing pains and wake up
    to how baked up these ideals really are.
    mundane aches feel worse than world-ending tremors;
    to lose a child is agonizing enough to make you blind
    to the fires consuming the would-be world
    of your undone child.

    ...Created 2021-04-20 07:14:17     [ View Past Journals ]

    [ View as Blog ]

    dotsLast 20 Submissionsdots

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     Comme un lion en avril
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     Creation born from boredom and hunger
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     time crumbling
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     Broken celibacy
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     J'en ai mare bout
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    ::Depressed : Class : Poetry :
     Where you at boy?
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     social anxiety
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     05/28 - 06/21
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     a certain kind of sadness
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     I. The great pandemonium
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     Papillon bleu
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    List All...

    ||| Messages |||
    I dont think i have met a person who is truly happy. I mean my definition of happy I guess, something I want to obtain before i kick the bucket. I guess we all kind of want something special to happen before callin it quits. I have met happy people though. I used to think they were one and the same but it's funny the shit you learn as an adult instead of what you imagined as a child.

    I love to read. My ex got me this amazing book shelf for our four year anniversary. Was better than diamonds and weed all put together. it is now bursting with books and I need another one :D Honestly i've been struggling with the things i once enjoyed. I used to read for hours n hours n hours and even when I have the time now I still barely have the focus. This shut down has really killed my spirit and amped up my alcoholism :P

    I lost a friend recently. Some say suicide some say his body just shut down. He was in his early 40s n for a bit all i could see was his face on the last day we were together n my insides start to ache. Someone found an audio of him singing and they sent me a copy. I've been playing it on loop for awhile. I always thought that with death comes enlightenment. That with the loss of someone you'd feel the life around you and appreciate the air you breathe. But the reality is you've just a hole that you struggle to fill up and go on day to day with them hanging onto your shoulders.

    I'm sorry to hear about your father n brother. Family can hurt you the most even when they dont mean too. It seems a piece of you falls into their grave with them.

    Has the quarantine effect you much? Ive been smoking and drinking a metric fuck ton more than im used to so I'd say it has impacted some aspect of my daily life. I'm in a small town though so it's not like the cities. On the news the other day it said we lost more people to covid than we did in Vietnam. Crazy how things look when put into perspective. Years from now we're gonna see this in a documentary n remember it a lot differently than what they'll show.

    Dating isnt a priority for me. after 6 years with someone i think my souls exhausted. I understand what you mean about marriage. I believe i'd do it again but that mother trucker is gonna have to shit gold n piss diamonds to get a ring on my finger xD Better wear a halo too cause lawd am I tired of disappointment

    I'm having an off day :P sorry if my writing is a tad more off than usual. Im so damn glad to hear from you though. this made my day.

    Questions: Any games you enjoy? new hobbies? something stand out about your day? how's the weather? :P
    | Posted on 2020-05-02 17:18:07 | by nikita2u - [ Reply to This ] -
    miss you
    | Posted on 2020-03-22 21:42:46 | by nikita2u - [ Reply to This ] -
    Thanks for the comment. You've got a point about social media. It was a frustrated writing so i was more just venting than anything. I was surprised to see a comment at all considering this place is pretty much just a place people store their stuff more than anything nowadays. Also i do agree that it's not really unnatural. I believe nothing we can do is unnatural it's just an extension or evolution of our nature as we are natural entities. I think i was just frustrated with all the politics and negativity on FB and was venting here. Just being moody. Thanks for the comment though, take care.
    | Posted on 2019-12-08 13:50:45 | by cornonthekob - [ Reply to This ] -
    -____- lawd the typos in that damn thing I sent lmao im uhm half sober >.>
    | Posted on 2019-12-08 09:07:16 | by nikita2u - [ Reply to This ] -
    I miss my college days but the debt is a killer for sure :) I guess I'm still grasping this whole "Adult" thing. I was married but now divorced actually married a person I met off here Uhm two weeks before my 21st we basically eloped lol Fun times when I was wild and reckless. No kids :) but I am a pretty damn awesome aunt if I do say so myself :P I love the younger generation frickin fiercely.

    I know what you mean, I went to school to become a nurse, went for 4 years was on the Deans list every semester and now I'm working as a cook in a casino (good is now my passion :D) in fact I went straight from college into the kitchen and I started working 3 shifts a week 50 plus hours a week pulling doubles like people in love pull petals off a flower heh and I discovered I loved it. The chaos the yelling how fast paced and just totally insane work environment. I am very much a lady who can out cuss a sailor yet still remain classy or so I'd like to think anyway.

    I love to travel I have been to Colorado so many times I should just move there, in 2017 I did a 5 week road trip out West and visited national parks and just fun things along the way I also so the ocean for the first time and that was a very beautiful moment for me.

    I have made many friends lol but I have 3 best friends who are my family more so than my blood. They're my ladies n I propose to them damn near everyday heh I may be a tad odd but they deal with me gracefully.

    I haven't wrote in a long time. I want to my fingers damn near itch (where they're not burned lol sporting some righteous burn marks up n down my arms do to my love of fire n knives #KitchenLife) to write out something but it isn't the same. I don't have that uhm I guess drive or ambition or well im not sure how to explain it. I guess when we were younger I had all of you (friends) who I wanted to either be better than or at least read each others poems n push one another to improve. Now the site is pretty dead but im damn thankful you still visit every now and again. I keep eyeing that RP section though I really loved that place back in the day.

    Waiting to die isn't a bad thing I guess. some days I think of it more than may be healthy but it isn't something I shy from. Though it would probably be nice to have something to look forward to each day to distract us from the time we no longer breathe air.

    But it's one in the morning and im rambling on hard core.

    Do you still write? Family? Married? Happy?
    | Posted on 2019-12-08 06:02:32 | by nikita2u - [ Reply to This ] -
    I'm not gonna lie. I got a tad emotional when I saw your response. I've been apart of this site for 13 years now. And all the good and bad memories just flooded back. And my goodness you are a very good and memorable person.

    And I will say this, I'll gladly play tag for another couple dozen years lol

    I haven't. The last I spoke to you of hearing from him was the time I've ever spoke to him. Time man. It flys so fast. I'm sorry about your father. Have you finished school? Grow to do the things you wished to? Make new friends, travel?
    | Posted on 2019-04-20 22:49:54 | by nikita2u - [ Reply to This ] -

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




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