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...Created 2010-03-26 15:10:18 [ View Past Journals ]
Chapter 2: Part 3
Hell is so close and heaven's out of reach, but I aint giving up just yet...
Tuesday Night:
Her room was dark. Shadows flew across the walls, and she took comfort in the warmth and safety of her covers. Though she could not sleep, she felt completely relaxed. Her mind at ease.
It was a vacation from her ever constant thought process. A break from her life.
And yet here she was. Sleeping in the same house with her mother....and some man who she'd brought home for the night.
Her eye was still bruised, and nothing had really changed. Except for the fact that she now knew that there were people in the world that cared.
Natalia and Olivia hadn't solved anything. They helped Emma, but forgot about themselves.
Something they always used to do as friends.....Movie night. Natalia thought fondly of it and smiled as she recalled the countless times she had spent with Olivia.
Was this going to end that? Was it forever going to be awkward between them.
Natalia couldn't answer that because she knew the truth and she didn't want to hear it. The only way for things to get better between them, who be to progress. But if Olivia's scared, then they won't progress and nothing will fix this problem.
But she's the one who kissed me first!! I know she'd conflicted, but we could find the good together, and work out the bad, Natalia thought. She was at a loss.
Then, like a lightbulb, a fun little idea flashed inside her mind. And with that, she grabbed her keys and took off.
Olivia had gone to bed. It was 9 and she still had papers to grade, but she needed sleep.
Her front door opened, unnoticed.
It creaked, but Olivia didn't hear a sound.
Footsteps gradually progressed further into her apartment, and she remained ignorant.
God, Olivia. Natalia thought. I worry about how much of a deep sleeper you are sometimes... But she also knew that she loved it. She loved everything about Olivia.
She flipped on a switch in the living room, and placed some items on the coffee table. Then she went to the bedroom. Olvia's bedroom, where Olivia was sleeping.
Natalia crept up to her bedside, ignored the fact that what she was doing was considered to be stalker-ish, and jumped onto the matress.
"What....the......" Olivia was disoriented.
"Waky waky!!" Natalia laughed.
Hell is so close and heaven's out of reach, but I aint giving up just yet...
Tuesday Night:
Her room was dark. Shadows flew across the walls, and she took comfort in the warmth and safety of her covers. Though she could not sleep, she felt completely relaxed. Her mind at ease.
It was a vacation from her ever constant thought process. A break from her life.
And yet here she was. Sleeping in the same house with her mother....and some man who she'd brought home for the night.
Her eye was still bruised, and nothing had really changed. Except for the fact that she now knew that there were people in the world that cared.
Natalia and Olivia hadn't solved anything. They helped Emma, but forgot about themselves.
Something they always used to do as friends.....Movie night. Natalia thought fondly of it and smiled as she recalled the countless times she had spent with Olivia.
Was this going to end that? Was it forever going to be awkward between them.
Natalia couldn't answer that because she knew the truth and she didn't want to hear it. The only way for things to get better between them, who be to progress. But if Olivia's scared, then they won't progress and nothing will fix this problem.
But she's the one who kissed me first!! I know she'd conflicted, but we could find the good together, and work out the bad, Natalia thought. She was at a loss.
Then, like a lightbulb, a fun little idea flashed inside her mind. And with that, she grabbed her keys and took off.
Olivia had gone to bed. It was 9 and she still had papers to grade, but she needed sleep.
Her front door opened, unnoticed.
It creaked, but Olivia didn't hear a sound.
Footsteps gradually progressed further into her apartment, and she remained ignorant.
God, Olivia. Natalia thought. I worry about how much of a deep sleeper you are sometimes... But she also knew that she loved it. She loved everything about Olivia.
She flipped on a switch in the living room, and placed some items on the coffee table. Then she went to the bedroom. Olvia's bedroom, where Olivia was sleeping.
Natalia crept up to her bedside, ignored the fact that what she was doing was considered to be stalker-ish, and jumped onto the matress.
"What....the......" Olivia was disoriented.
"Waky waky!!" Natalia laughed.
...Created 2010-03-26 15:10:18 [ View Past Journals ]
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| Ah but it WAS positive.
If you look at my latest critiques youll find Im hard to please. But Im not a biggot,I read a lot of poetry and I can sincerely tell you that yes,because of those lines the whole poem is awfull. Each piece of writing is the sum of its parts. If I baked you a lovely cake,then dumped grease all over the thing,would you say: "it was enjoyable except for the fact you nearly poisened me"? I suppose that depends on how open you are to analogies. But honestly "a decent stab towards something great",you should be content with that,its actually very generous of me considering its so short,but I liked the concept,you just left a real bananna skin at the end. As for my critique,does it really hurt to lie to someone? You answered your own question,I wonder if you take your writing that seriously,do you want to be lied to? I certainly dont. Good luck in your endevours. -Craig |
| | Posted on 2009-04-25 21:34:39 | by Raphael - [ Reply to This ] - |
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| Yea I know what you mean. I hardly ever get on here either. Just randomly do I think of something to write..a lot of things I loved don't really exist anymore lol
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| | Posted on 2009-04-20 15:21:47 | by Strator - [ Reply to This ] - |
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| Hi there piper,
I haven't been on here in awhile....how have you been?? |
| | Posted on 2009-03-12 20:13:57 | by Strator - [ Reply to This ] - |
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| thanks for the commit on If I could,though I know it does need some work done on it I'm glad so many of you poets found it a delight,once again thanks for taking the time to read it
adnil |
| | Posted on 2009-02-20 06:41:19 | by adnil - [ Reply to This ] - |
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| Wasn't from me, I rarely vote unless something just blows me away. But Meh isn't good or lbad, it like srugging your sholders.
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| | Posted on 2009-02-08 17:27:33 | by nicodemous - [ Reply to This ] - |
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| Just wanted to stop by and say thanks for the critiques, I really appreciate it. ^_^
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| | Posted on 2009-01-26 01:50:06 | by I_Bleed_Ink - [ Reply to This ] - |
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