--Elite Writer Alias: Quin Name: Alia Felton ASL: ?/F/WA Bio: [ Quick Bio ] Website:[ Website ] Blog:[ Blog ] Days Away: 691 Life Story: I am. [ Ignore User ]
Favorites: 8 Forum Posts: 0 Shoutbox Posts: 1 RP Posts: 0 Signup Date: 3004 D 8.23 Years 0.82 Decades 100.13 Months 429.14 Weeks 3.004000e+8 Heart Beats -There you go eggman Quote: "You have no idea how acutely depressing it is to realize we're from the same species."
I'm a sucker for good rhyme, and you do it exquisitely well.
In "Within," I might change the "delicious, tasty sweet" line. It was the only one that went a bit off rhythm to me.
In "River," I might rework
"Like the universe, the chaos,
outside of her door."
to
"Alone with the chaos
outside of her door."
Still though, I understand that how we read things in our heads is often different from how others read them, so if they work for you just discount my suggestions.
Overall though I really like both of those pieces. Nice work.
Now it's extremely hard to be mad at you (for stealing my name!!!!!!) since you've been so kind as to stalk me (teehee), fave my work, and leave a comment.
Way to make me not hate you. Although I am still slightly irritated by the fact that your name is also Alia.
Blargh, WHY?!
I actually love hearing the Dune references! Haha, since I love the book(s). I haven't read the ones Frank Herbert's son wrote, though.
Anyhoo, thanks for the kindness. :) But NO THANKS for taking my name! Bah! BAH!
| Posted on 2009-05-15 21:21:33 | by O - [ Reply to This ] -
Thanks for the comments on meh poem! <3 ^_^ I appreciate it.
)
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