--Elite Writer Alias: Sir Jimeth Name: Jim Clark ASL: 21/Male/Earth Bio: [ Quick Bio ] Website:[ Education ] Days Away: 1 Life Story: Learning [ Ignore User ]
Favorites: 13 Forum Posts: 96 Shoutbox Posts: 9 RP Posts: 0 Signup Date: 941 D 2.58 Years 0.26 Decades 31.37 Months 134.43 Weeks 9.41000e+7 Heart Beats -There you go eggman Quote: "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." - Mahatma Gandhi
09-14-2008-19.40
Submitted "YOU ARE SHIT".
The all cap effect is derived from the inspiration for the write. Though perhaps I should remove the all caps. All caps looks more childish than all lowercase. How about that?
I say a big thank your for your comments on "I am Not". That is the sort of thing I imagine this site was intended for, and is rarely used for. I myself am guilty of not being all that specific. I tend to only comment on the pieces I like, or at lest have potential.
The piece was about the past in general, not particular incidents per say. Though some specific happenings do come to mind when I read it to myself. I would also say it is more than fair for you to judge it as a piece of art, I did put it out there, therefore it is fair game.
My use of the lines "I am not whole, I am not" was the merging of two different but related statements about myself. I am not whole is pretty obvious, the following I am not is a little less so. My most thought out meaning was using it as a sort of old speak. Such as "this was all for not" meaning (as I am sure you already know) this was all for nothing. So I was saying "I am nothing". I also did intend to leave it open ended so that someone else could fill in the blank with their own qualifier and possibly make (or feel) a more personal connection.
I again thank you for your feedback. And while I do not go back to rewrite old work (almost never anyway) I do keep what people say in mind for the future. I am one that thinks most pieces that stick to a ridged rhyme scheme sound contrived more often than not. But I do think rhymes can be cleaver and add a special something. I have always done this in my work. If a few come to me I will use them, but I will not force more out and risk the integrity of the piece for sake of it.
P.S.- I have no defence for my use of the cleiched lines, you got me dead to rights on that one.
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