SnakeBite7

It�s August 28, 2008. I am 18 years old, and I feel much older, and still so much younger at the same time. I leave for Vermont in a mere four hours, I leave my home�no, I left my home already. I was gone as soon as the last of my friends walked out of that door. As of this moment, Hillsborough Township, Somerset County, New Jersey, is no longer my home, yet it will always be my hometown.

Tonight was a good night. I saw the majority of my good friends one last time. There were a few that did not come, and in some ways I�m disappointed, but in more ways I�m accepting of this fact. The truth of the matter is that some of your friends will fade, whether you realize it or not. This is not a depressing outlook on my departure, but rather simply how life goes. Our friends and peers are ever-changing, and we must remember all the times we had, even if we don�t remember who we were with.

But there are certain people you cannot forget, even if you tried, for they have had such an undeniable impact on who you are, on who you become. I looked at the people in my living room on this, my final night here, and even in the weeks leading up to this moment, and I realized that these were the people who made me who I am.

Do I like who I am? In some ways, yes. In others, no. Nobody is perfect, and you gotta work with what you do have. That�s all anyone can do.

I looked at the people in my life and I wondered, what will become of them? Some of them I expected great things, others I expected to fail, to crash and burn. Others, I didn�t expect anything at all. Maybe I wasn�t as close to those people, but that�s all I saw. I saw them leaving, and it didn�t strike so loud a chord as others. I suppose not all notes have the same pitch, just like all people don�t shine the same.

The ones who I saw great things from weren�t neccasarily the great things most people think of when they hear �great�. By great, I mean they will marry a great person, raise their children to be good-hearted, if not good-natured people, and will be happy. It�s the people who I fear will crash and burn that tears at my heart. The ones that will never rise to the occasion, the ones that will settle too quickly. Eventually, everyone must settle, but you can�t do that too soon. You cannot waste your life with constant partying and change of material things, like cars or TVs. You have to keep pushing, and to keep pushing, sometimes you have to leave things behind.

This is what I�m doing now.
I�m leaving behind my home.
I�m leaving behind my friends.
I�m leaving behind my family.
I�m leaving behind my sense of security.
I�m leaving behind my reputation.

My reputation�that seems so pointless at points, but now I take some mysterious pride in it. I�m Duff. I�m a good guy, nice guy, goofy guy. Who can get mad at Duff, right? I�m sure near the end of my run here, it seemed I cared less about that, but in truth it never stopped being important to me, and it haunts me even now. Above all else, I wanted everyone to like me, maybe because I didn�t like myself? I�m not sure now. Perhaps that�s why I tried so hard. Maybe if I observed why they liked me, I can like aspect of me about myself too. But it was always the same thing. It was my goofy nature, and my ability to listen, if not cheer up people. It was my knack for staying quiet when I needed to be, but not being a shadow. It was that I tried so hard to help others. It was that I was nice, and a genuinely good person.

I�ll take that.

But the truth is I have a second side. I suppose everyone does, after all, people are not the same around certain friends, this I have seen with my own eyes. People will change their demeanor to suit the situation. So how will I change for college? Will I be more confident? Smarter? Louder? Or will I be silent again, keeping to myself as to not make a fool of myself.

My answer is undecided, and I�m alright with an incomplete on this assignment.

I will play it by ear. Yeah, that sounds just fine. Improvise, show my new peers I can adapt. Adaptation is the key to a strong spirit, for those that find comfort in the familiar will never leave. It�s in this sense, this light, that I have no real choice but to leave.

In truth, the magnitude of my departure didn�t hit until the last of my friends left and I closed the door. So suddenly, I felt strange. I paused for a moment, and then headed upstairs. When I got to my room, my computer was on shuffle, and it was playing a Weezer song I had not previously heard called �Hold Me�. As I walked around my room, collecting my books and taking my posters off the walls, the song played on, and it made me realize that this was it. I am leaving. For good. Once I was finished packing, I returned to my computer, and played �Hold Me� again. Once it finished, I played it again. It scared me, how it made me feel, but I was so relaxed, so ready for what was coming.

I suppose music has become one of the more important elements in my life. They compress all of our emotions, our memories, our defeats and victories into enjoyable audio form. They remind you of places and people past, and get you excited for what is to come.

You know what? I�m gonna play �Hold Me� again. Just so I can hold onto this moment a little longer.

Just so I can hold onto who I am now, so who I become will not forget who I was.

Snake.