I blast the music into my brain, oh yes, until it bleeds. It sure does hurt, but pleasurable when you're alone.
Trying to look for someone to talk to, and when my one comfort came, oh, how excited I could be. Just like a little girl gets excited over an ice cream. But, soon that ice cream was 'borrowed' a little while, and only came back when it almost finished. So, basically, no one was available for me.
Could it be wish come true? I just want to be alone, so that I wouldn't be worrying about other things but myself. Yea, it's the fear again. The fear I nurtured unnoticed. The fear of losing, having and gaining. How pathetic I could be...
I was given a choice that wasn't a choice at all. Nor shall sacrifice be the word of it. It was something that... as in when I get this, I will lose that; or lose both to make it even.
Maybe I've been given too much, or maybe I'm just asking for too much, Or maybe I gave too much... I don' t know... I'm the kind of girl who could do anything for anyone, but never know what to do for herself. I know how to stand for someone, to help someone stand tall... but never to myself. Now, what on earth am I though... Just sad to know..
I can't write at the moment. My mind couldn't stop talking at me. Words... beautiful words it used, but doesn't allow me to use them over the paper. How sad...
I don't required self-pity. I don't even need one. I don't even know what I want. It is so breathless. I want to die yet I couldn't step away from the air. There's still a reason for me to live. No, I don't live for someone; but for that someone, I'd live. Even it means I will have nothing if I chose to stay with him, I wouldn't mind at all; for I had nothing from the start. So, he's my one and only comfort and treasure.
Oh, well... since no one's available around here and there, I think it's time for me to retreat into the dark... will wait until someone turn on the light.......................... whenever someone needs me again.
...Created 2007-08-27 03:40:51 [ View Past Journals ] [ View as Blog ]