You said it should have some more word in it. I reckon you might be right. It's like that because I tried to do something like the original verseform. Translations from Chinese literature are into a phonetic script from an ideographic one; so as well as a distant echo of the poet, I was trying to unify several wildly different interpretations by translators! It was so fun.
Thanks for your comment on 'Star Gazing'. If the concept made you uncomfortable, then I've succeeded in my goal
I did wonder about writing a bit of the message, but I think it ultimately would have been detrimental. Especially since I really don't know what the message is.
Anyway, thanks again!