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bornx2000


Name: Eric BX
ASL: Almost 30/M
Website:[ Education ]
Days Away: 4215
Life Story: Born for a Reason
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Favorites: 71
Forum Posts: 2
Shoutbox Posts: 0
RP Posts: 0
Signup Date: 6458 D
17.69 Years 1.77 Quote:
Every day is day of school yet a man dies as a fool


Recent Favorites:
Regeneration by realpoet
Element by awastedsky
Out Sand Drop by Vasudeva
Poets by deluka
Between The Lines by Sacred Sindy
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Mood: Thinking...
  
Incandescent dragon's eyes,
lulled into perpetual sleep;
Surounded by surreal dreams and gem stones.
[Resonating deep into the ancient storms of time;] -- [Take it out]

When kings were kings, with vast amounts of treasures.
They vowed to keep it safe and made a truce with a young dragon.
She turned on the brave and made their rulers look like fools.

As the legend goes ... (Melinia passed)

But here we are, you me and the slave
staring at the fire, listeninging to the tale
of the last dragon as the wood chips morph into rust as they settle upon
the warm ashes;

[Unleashing,
orange fire flies
escaping the heat,
still beating with
the warriors heart.] -- remove this ...

Remembering (Find another word for remember -- Recalling?) the day when we ascended into the alcoves,
enveloped by the smoke particles
where she rested (Another word for rested?) in her deep sleep (Another word for deep sleep).

That was the last night we were men, but now we are nothing but a whisper in the wind that evaporates into
the craters of the moon.

Whispering Lullebys to the dragon as she sleeps.

As the legend goes ...?
(Another word for whisper ...)


...Created 2009-09-25 00:40:36     [ View Past Journals ]

[ View as Blog ]

dotsLast 20 Submissionsdots

 Lunar Dust (re-write)
:|| V: 851 | C: 2 ||:
:: : Class : Poetry :
 The Source
:|| V: 1261 | C: 8 ||:
::Serious : Class : Misc :
 Written on sapphires
:|| V: 1010 | C: 9 ||:
::Misc : Class : Poetry :
 Fades
:|| V: 1501 | C: 11 ||:
::Misc : Class : Poetry :
 Burned by silence (Revised)
:|| V: 1067 | C: 12 ||:
::Depressed : Class : Poetry :
List All...



Messages

  
thx for your comment on my poem "falling shards". I accept one and deny the other of your suggestions. Despite the fact that it does break the flow of the poem, the line you pointed out with the tense change does so with meaning. It shows a transition in the reflection, from a looking-back, reflective "stance", to the talking walking, observative "stance".
When considering the poem, as a laymen, i would prefer you look on the meaning, and ponder how the observed difference would affect the meaning.
thx again
Imajen Dat
| Posted on 2007-05-09 20:32:39 | by beninbrasil - [ Reply to This ] -
  
Hey Eric,

Thanks for reading my poem and giving me some feedback

About the title that you're unsure of,
if you look closely, the tenses in the poem are improper. My rebellious nature of grammar is to accentuate the theme ( I guess you could say) in this poem. Have you ever had that feeling or heard that you don't truly appreciate things until its gone? It's like that, except the opposite.

Keep reading and asking questions!



~perpetual dreamz
| Posted on 2007-03-23 20:08:26 | by Perpetualdreamz - [ Reply to This ] -
  
Many thanks for giving me your insight into What if"
True, very true,that each are born into a purpose of advancing,bettering ,the human condition.
Each fetus(truly human in every way) are born to advance human preception,human cognition to the things which hinder human advancment of the just past generation.
Who but God knows how many great scientists, doctors,poets,etc,etc, have been hindered from fulfilling
god's purpose for human to better themselves and their condition.
| Posted on 2007-03-15 22:38:24 | by realpoet - [ Reply to This ] -
  
Hi,
Normally I skip long stories, but this one got my attention, cool story, and the way you introduced the characters, great job, too bad the old man died, but this was good just one change, "broke" in one of the lines should be "broken", or I could be wrong, thanks for the write, good luck

Keep writing

Kind regards

Eric

Hi,

Thanks for the kind words. Actually it is supposed to be broke, but whatever. Still gets the message across.FYI if you are still interested. Chapter 2 is up.

Regards,

Johhny Dough
| Posted on 2007-03-01 20:21:38 | by Lost_Found - [ Reply to This ] -
  
Thank you very much for your comment on "Natural High". It's really hard to explain what I feel most times..so I write in my own poetry language.."droopy and sold" meaning "so gone" like nothing left (I'm a really bad explainer by the way) lol, but I hope you got the point..When I'm drowning and I feel like I have nothing left of me it's almost as a natural high..it's weird to explain you have to experience it..most people do

Thanks again, I really appreciate your help, time, and most of all kindness
(Nice to know there's good people out there) *Smiles, Take care
| Posted on 2007-03-01 15:01:27 | by Ani - [ Reply to This ] -
  
The music I was listening to at that time I am unaware of. I just remember the feelings it gave me - a feeling of floating because of sudden intense lightheadedness. It was all so strange and it happened so quickly.
| Posted on 2007-03-01 14:47:50 | by awastedsky - [ Reply to This ] -



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