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...I've grown up. I started this page when I was so much younger. I feel like an entirely different person. I was such a fucked up young girl. Now I'm a fucked up adult woman. Lol. It's amazing to me how much of my younger selfs problems still exist today. I still have an extremely difficult time trusting anyone, and everytime I let down my walls I get crushed. I let men rule my life, my emotions. My boyfriend whom I thought was my knight in shining armor has turned out to be a wolf in sheeps clothing. Just when I think I've caught a break and will finally have some happiness, it ends up being just a tease. The happiness gets completely twisted into pain, which is made even more distinct because of the happiness that came before it. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm indecisive to the point where it's absurd. I feel like I need a break from life to figure out who I am and what I want. I'm afraid of never changing, of going through life absolutely clueless about where I stand.

I know I love him. Absolutely and irrevocably. I don't think I should. Love is a form of control to me now. I feel like I shouldn't let myself love him this much, because if I do, I'll have no strength against him.

I'm so lost.