endlessgame23Name: Edith Gilead ASL: 25/f/The Endless Table Website:[ Website ] Days Away: 1484 Life Story: Which Life? [ Ignore User ] Favorites: 10 Forum Posts: 0 Shoutbox Posts: 0 RP Posts: 0 Signup Date: 1815 D 4.97 Years 0.5 Quote: I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. -EAP |
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Silent Hill
Mood: so volcanic I've got yellowstone worriedWhen all is silent
'cept the air, hot
and violent
redolent with noxious
chemical odor,
then is the time
to peek over your
bony shoulder
and watch with starry eyes
as explosive ash
and careless gods
consume the skies.
She is free.
'cept the air, hot
and violent
redolent with noxious
chemical odor,
then is the time
to peek over your
bony shoulder
and watch with starry eyes
as explosive ash
and careless gods
consume the skies.
She is free.
...Created 2017-07-18 20:33:04 [ View Past Journals ]
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Last 20 Submissions
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| well, i don't care that much about titles. I guess I cover some of my poems up and when I go back sometimes they will demand the same title and the same song. Sometimes I have forgotten both > that's a good indicator that the poem itself needs some work because it should always hold its essence. but tut tut tut on your tic tic tic.
i tend to think of poems as more important and potentially having the ability to last in the memory longer than movies, look at Shakespeare, his poems move across the generations therefore i don't mind a clash with the movies. you are you. |
| | Posted on 2017-07-18 23:11:08 | by Daniel Barlow - [ Reply to This ] - |
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| I think that your journal, with the inclusions of rhyme is better than anything of yours I have seen posted. (to be fair I have only clicked on a few and they have been rhymed ones).
I like how the wording comes across as precision. I mean precision as opposed to precise because and violent redolent with noxious chemical odor, these are very careful words with short sharp bits to them and then as you elaborate, as the poem moves forward, it's then that you do so work with the rhyming deal. It's like you give to poetry, the exploratory part of it, legs. To me the part that lifts the poem most is the single line away from the block. It introduces a totally different viewpoint/concept. She is free. Like this peak point in turmoil lifts her from her guardianship. That poem is excellent. I was trying to write a bit today.... bringing a storm to good weather. That facet of poetry is excellent, finding the unexpected. My point is your deconstruction of the roles of the sky, your reverse engineering. That is some good shite to see on a page. |
| | Posted on 2017-07-18 21:29:56 | by Daniel Barlow - [ Reply to This ] - |
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| lol@longtimelurker/multiple pen names.
shuck it. good for you. |
| | Posted on 2017-07-18 21:06:42 | by Daniel Barlow - [ Reply to This ] - |
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| People write bad poems. Like, of the 6 billiob? 8 billion? people on this earth. 6 billion of them are on poetry.com scam scam, ceaselessly writing their bad poems. If that sounds a bit cruel: I mean it to be.
The thing that I don't think people get is that it's there is no less merit in a bad poem than there is in a good poem. If anything Old age should burn and rave at close of day at least good poems got off the ground and have flown. You have to feel happy for the soul of the poet concerned, the individual concerned in regards to that. For all of us strugglers (and i think most people struggle to varying degrees)to me it is a great shame that something so valid, crucial, and personal never gets that moment in light. In that sense there are no bad poems so long as in the author's mind they can ssay "this is what it is" |
| | Posted on 2017-07-18 21:04:19 | by Daniel Barlow - [ Reply to This ] - |
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| I kind of hate hearing my own voice in my own head as I'm composing critiques or even responding to these comments. Would be nice if a futuristic computer came along and depersonalized them so they could be clean like that. So ppl wouldn't take offense or make assumption. Just a clean (bright) bit of information.
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| | Posted on 2017-07-18 20:54:53 | by Daniel Barlow - [ Reply to This ] - |
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| Thanks for the comment. I have been low on the spiritual/physical combustibles required to see a poem through to the form in which it was intended. I think it was like feeling a little defeated and then realizing it didn't matter if you got it perfectly or just scrubbed it out. Subsequently I have not done much writing or any good writing. Good to be past that place in spirit and hopefully eventually that will transfer to the page. Thank you for your comment. What I notice about you is that you are enthusiastic. Not sure what brought you around here but such enthusiasm
around here, it's a good thing. |
| | Posted on 2017-07-18 20:46:54 | by Daniel Barlow - [ Reply to This ] - |
Forum id=#82841
