--Elite Writer Alias: endlessgame23 Name: Edith Gilead ASL: 25/f/The Endless Table Website:[ Website ] Days Away: 1 Life Story: Which Life? [ Ignore User ]
Favorites: 10 Forum Posts: 0 Shoutbox Posts: 0 RP Posts: 0 Signup Date: 138 D 0.38 Years 0.04 Decades 4.6 Months 19.71 Weeks 1.380000e+7 Heart Beats -There you go eggman Quote: I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. -EAP
Journal: Silent Hill -------------------------------------------
Mood: so volcanic I've got yellowstone worried
When all is silent
'cept the air, hot
redolent with noxious
then is the time
to peek over your
and watch with starry eyes
as explosive ash
and careless gods
consume the skies.
I think that your journal, with the inclusions of rhyme is better than anything of yours I have seen posted. (to be fair I have only clicked on a few and they have been rhymed ones).
I like how the wording comes across as precision. I mean precision as opposed to precise because
redolent with noxious
these are very careful words with short sharp bits to them and then as you elaborate, as the poem moves forward, it's then that you do so work with the rhyming deal. It's like you give to poetry, the exploratory part of it, legs.
To me the part that lifts the poem most is the single line away from the block. It introduces a totally different viewpoint/concept. She is free. Like this peak point in turmoil lifts her from her guardianship.
That poem is excellent.
I was trying to write a bit today.... bringing a storm to good weather.
That facet of poetry is excellent, finding the unexpected.
My point is your deconstruction of the roles of the sky, your reverse engineering. That is some good shite to see on a page.
People write bad poems. Like, of the 6 billiob? 8 billion? people on this earth. 6 billion of them are on poetry.com scam scam, ceaselessly writing their bad poems. If that sounds a bit cruel: I mean it to be.
The thing that I don't think people get is that it's there is no less merit in a bad poem than there is in a good poem. If anything
Old age should burn and rave at close of day
at least good poems got off the ground and have flown. You have to feel happy for the soul of the poet concerned, the individual concerned in regards to that.
For all of us strugglers (and i think most people struggle to varying degrees)to me it is a great shame that something so valid, crucial, and personal never gets that moment in light.
In that sense there are no bad poems so long as in the author's mind they can ssay "this is what it is"
I kind of hate hearing my own voice in my own head as I'm composing critiques or even responding to these comments. Would be nice if a futuristic computer came along and depersonalized them so they could be clean like that. So ppl wouldn't take offense or make assumption. Just a clean (bright) bit of information.
Thanks for the comment. I have been low on the spiritual/physical combustibles required to see a poem through to the form in which it was intended. I think it was like feeling a little defeated and then realizing it didn't matter if you got it perfectly or just scrubbed it out. Subsequently I have not done much writing or any good writing. Good to be past that place in spirit and hopefully eventually that will transfer to the page. Thank you for your comment. What I notice about you is that you are enthusiastic. Not sure what brought you around here but such enthusiasm
around here, it's a good thing.