oh nathan thank you
there are very few things that would help prepare someone for life, all i can tell you to do is just have as much happiness with her as time will allow
you have to talk to her and tell her that no one is worth losing herself and that no matter what you will always be there
Hey! I actually like it alot, sorry you got the impression that i didnt like it, I actually really liked it, i just think it needs a bit more work to really speak for itself, but still, good work and thnx for the comments.
Well, Nathan, thanks a lot for your comments. But, 'Sunday' is only a poem, and won't hurt you if you comment. But here is my defense system coming out:
I know it was forced advice, and I totally get what you mean by that, but you really should'nt come on and tell me to basiclly change my whole style of writing. I notice, you have not read my poems posted before that one, like: 'A world of my Own' or 'Dancing Darkness' That "choppy" poem is my way, it's my reputition in a sense, people know me for how I write, and I would like to keep it that way.
And no, I do not think I am perfect, but nor do I think I am a 'struggling writer' because that makes it sound like I simply am forced to put words on paper. Basiclly, for the Hell of it. And that is NOT the case.
Writiing is my life, if I woke up tomorrow morning and discovered I had lost my knack for it, I would go plunging off my balcony, because that's who I am.
So.. get this... if you felt so strongly about writing, like it makes you literally WHOLE, and someone came bringing down how YOU write, wouldn't you feel insulted?
I enjoy feedback, in fact I am obssesed with it, because all I want to be is better and better, but there is a difference in feedback and being a judgmental [censored].
You feel me?
So let me have my "the's" and my "soundly's"
Because words YOU think arent good enough, make me whole, that's my life, and when you put my words down, you put me down.
I agree, there was an effort to make feedback, but you didn't think of HOW you were saying it. So please, take this as feedback for giving feedback, and next time, when your ganna be THAT rude... please... save the words, because it can be told in three words only, and that's basiclly cheating for awards on Elite, in my eyes.
If you want to better understand where I'm coming from, please... take some time to read my other poems I mentioned above, but please, don't comment if you really don't WANT to, and also, save your words if your ganna be an ass.
Thanks a lot for the commment on my piece "I close my eyes", I really appreciate it...! :D And I know what you mean, I almost didn't post the poem, exactly because love poems often are boring and very much the same... :P But I'm glad you liked it... :D
hahaha! Thanks - my poor writing shines through again. The drug dealers are taking dime bags and depositing them in bigger bags containing shrimp and then freezing them so that police dogs won't detect them. Its an illustration of a clever ploy used by this pair of small timers.