Thank you for the constructive criticism, I'll take some of your points into consideration, but I'd like to point something out to you.
This is the comment you left me:
Well, since you like constructive critisim, here ya go. The whole thing has no flow, rythmn, rhymn, or structure. It makes no since and leads no where. It seems to me that it has a few fancy words and nothing else to make it sound even somewhat interesting. You might want to work on your puncuation some more.
I went to college and had proffessors put A's on my work. I left english with all A's in the class. So I'll be honest with you. This piece would be laughed at if you gave it to a proffessor. If your going to write something, give it your best. Try rewriting it some more when you get the time.
You were ridden with spelling mistakes ( You misspelled rhythm, rhyme, and criticism, punctuation, professor).
You also used the wrong "you're" (you used your).
It makes me wonder what college you attended that would give an "A" to a student who didn't capitalize the word English, as it should be and spelled the word "professor" wrong?
It also makes me question the prestige of the current colleges in America.
What kind of education is our youth getting?
For some reason, it won't let me leave you a comment on your page, so I'll just leave you the comment in this edit: