Because it's nice. Toya, is just a name, I'm not being deliberately obscure I was just thinking of a scene. It's good to know that this is not enough though. I did mainly write it for myself, but asked for general advice, your ambivalence is helpful because it shows me how much my senses have deteriorated in telling the difference between what only I would understand and what is communicated to others. It's simply not enough is it? Maybe I will make something else out of it some time.
On the plus side I like your writing well enough. At least that one "The house on Tulane". It's as if you've put actual thought into it.
When I was somewhere between childhood and adolescence, I used to end up in a car going between my mother's place and my father's store a lot because they were divorced. Especially late at night, sitting shotgun, I'd have my eyes on the windshield watching the rain, the way the droplets slowly found their way to the sides. I often felt inspired in those moments, like a pixie or a muse was particularly fond of the setting and would gift me with all of these, let's say sublime, ideas. Unfortunately, as quickly as I'd find my bed once out of the car, these ideas would disappear. It eventually occurred to me that, much like when people aren't quite familiar with weed yet, my lack of clear perception (because of fatigue, and otherwise emotionally difficult settings) is probably what led me to find profundity in what were otherwise banal concepts. In a crass way, it's not unlike an idiot posting a sentence or two from the first couple pages of a book they'll never actually finish to twitter or facebook -- to the world. #sodeep
I still enjoy the sensation, from time to time; the immensity, the unknowable, and being amazed. I think in practical terms it has a use not unlike christmas, or new years -- celebrations that are intrinsically meaningless and yet wonderful. It keeps your spirit content, alive, happy. It's good to keep perspective on our ant-like scope of understanding about the world around us, but it is equally good to be comfortable in our antness. idk. I'm about done trying to be relevant.