--Elite Writer Alias: MusingMinstrel Name: A.J. Leiva ASL: 26/Male/Chicago Website:[ Education ] Days Away: 1524 Life Story: [ Ignore User ]
Favorites: 46 Forum Posts: 0 Shoutbox Posts: 250 RP Posts: 0 Signup Date: 5172 D 14.17 Years 1.42 Decades 172.4 Months 738.86 Weeks 5.172000e+8 Heart Beats -There you go eggman Quote: Since time began, the dead alone know peace. Life is but melting snow...~Nandai
Just wanted to stop by to thank you for your comments on "Retracing."
It was a simple poem that came to me quite easily, and was meant more to express feeling than to be a masterpiece of writing.
I find there are poets who write for self-expression, those who write for its own sake, those who write for the pleasure of others with the intent of making it great. I think I do it for a little of all of the above, so each poem has its own direction and purpose.
I was actually not pleased with this poem as a piece of art, but nonetheless, it reflects a feeling that was genuine at the time, and serves as a reminder of the past.
I guess the third stanza was there to bring the thoughts back to the present. Even though I wrote this about a year ago, I remember exactly where I was at the time, and what I was thinking. I had just been through something very chaotic and all of a sudden the silence was deafening.
I was sitting on the steps behind my apartment and it was sunny, windy, and warm. I had been having trouble writing, had been away from it for awhile, and just felt I should try. Writing is like a trusted old friend to me, and sometimes we have a falling out. But, like any true friend, time and distance fail to separate. It is easier to make friends with things and actions and animals than it is with people sometimes. That can be frustrating when you really need a friend, and not just anyone will do. Finding friends can be as tough as finding lovers! Though people don't talk about this as much, its absence can be felt as keenly.
thanks for the video.. i cant even see what it is at this point [the intertron is on strike here just now] but i leave ethiopia tomorrow so i will check the video out as soon as i get decent internet access.. i am more than sure that it will be the perfect reintroduction to music of the non-ethiopian variety haha. i didnt bring an MP3 player over with me this time and the last week i have been hanging out for some Dylan or Tom Waits or something beautiful lol.
at this point i think that is the only good thing about going home... kinda tragic really.
anyways. hope all is well with you
love you and miss you!
I did read it more than once. I'll stand by what I said. Firstly I think the idea that "just over four years" adds a lot of meaning loses out to the idea that "just over" sounds awkward. I mean thinking metaphorically 4 has relatively few connotations. 4 riders of the apocalypse? I mean Jesus rose after three days, God created man on the sixth day, rested on the seventh, that guy went around the world in eighty days in a balloon... I mean its a Lost number.. I'm not sure what "just over" adds when as I read the poem I almost stumble from the unnecessary syllables.
Secondly I guessed only at meaning of "just over." assuming that none of these works are polished I'll wait until I read a published poem before I speculate on meaning but here simply comment on what I think worked and what I think didn't.
Even more than that once one puts out a poem its more important that you get your idea across than that I get it from the poem. I mean Joyce and Eliot can demand of me that I get it, but if I totally missed the poem (and I don't think I did) then that's another issue with the poem. I mean the best poems work on both a lighter level and then on a deeper level. Yes I think this does this. But no I don't think I misread it.
I mean I get the difference between physical distance and emotional difference. The comparison between physical and emotional challenges. I think in the evaluation of comments in this pseudo-workshop format you shouldn't discount someones comments because they misread it. Ask instead why did they misread it? What can I do to fix that? I mean sure some people will miss it but to just be overly confident in the poem is a mistake.