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    poetry


    --Elite Writer
    Alias: myghostsliketotravel
    Name: j k
    Bio: [ Quick Bio ]
    Website:[ Education ]
    Days Away: 3974
    Life Story:
    [ Ignore User ]

    Favorites: 0
    Forum Posts: 6
    Shoutbox Posts: 262
    RP Posts: 0
    Signup Date: 6036 D
    16.54 Years 1.65 Decades
    201.2 Months 862.29 Weeks
    6.036000e+8 Heart Beats
    -There you go eggman
    Quote:
    Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes. Walt Whitman.

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    Journal:
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: The Usual
      
    a strange form of life
    kicking through windows
    rolling on yards

    heading in loved ones' triggering eyes
    a strange one

    and a hard way to come into a cabin
    into the weather
    into a path
    walking together
    a hard one

    and the softest lips ever
    25 years of waiting to kiss them
    smiling and waiting
    to bend down and kiss twice
    the softest lips

    in a dark little room
    across the nation
    you found myself racing
    forgetting the strange and the hard
    and the soft kiss
    in the dark room

    and a strange form of life
    kicking through windows
    rolling on yards

    heading in loved ones' triggering eyes
    a strange one

    bonnie prince billy


    ...Created 2008-09-19 00:31:17     [ View Past Journals ]

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    ||| Messages |||
      
    I was going through my favorites list and saw a couple from years ago from you. Decided to check out your page. I was shocked that you had actually been here recently, though sadly all the favorites I marked are long since deleted. Hope all is well and that you're still writing.

    Oh, and nice BPB song.
    | Posted on 2009-09-03 10:53:59 | by FallenGrace - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    thank you for your thoughts on my pieces. i enjoyed them
    | Posted on 2008-09-19 05:10:03 | by Someones Epiphany - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    I guess, maybe something like this:

    street-lit,
    an illuminated
    piano intro pushes over
    a cement floor; the heavy shape
    of emotion moves in like shade
    at six o'clock.
    poised white talons
    expands air in the room
    blows the dust apart
    and raises every hair.

    It's more of a syntax/grammar rearrangement thing... also, maybe, having to re-enjamb lines to accomodate for the changes...

    At the same time, 'ing' suffixes give it movement; I think the idea is balance between that and relying on it too heavily.

    Anyway, something to think about, huh?
    | Posted on 2007-10-26 11:58:32 | by alteredlife - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    I know the feeling... excess baggage. I've got another alias on this site, too (which I hardly check).

    On a purely nitpicky note regarding your post (which I was going to mention in my last comment to you but decided not to... yes, I think you could ditch a few 'ing' suffixes also, so that it's more compact, and more present-tense. It's something I've been taught by a wise lady (nansofast on this site) which really works. Sure, do it when necessary, but try to take them out--it's the message I got anyway.

    Anyway, that was random.
    | Posted on 2007-10-25 01:44:17 | by alteredlife - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    you're so wrong and arrogant. it's really refreshing to see someone get so angry over nothing at all. go outside. get a real tan instead of sitting in front of your monitor.
    | Posted on 2007-10-24 13:23:29 | by myghostsliketotravel - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    They're not veiled and I wasn't sure as hell attacking you in any way.

    Your piece uses a bunch of sentence fragments to describe nothing and is inconsistent because of grammar.

    Grow up and learn to take criticism in an assertive fashion.

    You're boring me. Goodbye.
    | Posted on 2007-10-24 13:16:32 | by Skyhawk - [ Reply to This ] -



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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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