--Elite Writer Alias: nicelyJ Name: Aric Duckett ASL: m-30-nj Bio: [ Quick Bio ] Website:[ Website ] Days Away: 3561 Life Story: Meta(alien)morphosis [ Ignore User ]
Favorites: 21 Forum Posts: 21 Shoutbox Posts: 170 RP Posts: 0 Signup Date: 5178 D 14.19 Years 1.42 Decades 172.6 Months 739.71 Weeks 5.178000e+8 Heart Beats -There you go eggman Quote: I tell you when to move or not, breathe or stop, I see deep inside of you. Ok ok I'm just an xray tech
I get what you mean about it maybe being more impactful if it was written differently. i was just having an ee cummings day and after I read a certain type of poetry, i start writing like that. I am like a poetry chameleon :)
when i said "go-od" separately, it was supposed to maybe read out like it said "god." The whole poem kind of sprung from ideas in the book "Blue Like Jazz" which has a part that talks about how Christians can sometimes love conditionally, and I've had a lot of meaningless "how are you" experiences with them where i'm asking myself...do you really care at all how i am? and so in the poem i was trying to give a double meaning to the word "good" and make it sound like I was saying "God" back to them. But i don't know if anyone else would catch it. I don't know. Sometimes I don't make sense haha. And this has turned out to be an unneccessarily long comment.
well you were asking me about the metaphore....
I loved the fact that you wanted to pen something of worth...means your an ambicious person and that's good...
but you were trying to do it through the beasts inside you... Dats awsome !!
cz we often give the best we got when we're angry... revolting... and mad !!!
I like it !!... though it was too long and needed time to get it...(A)
but i got it in the end ... maybe in my way... not the way you meant it ...
did i get it right by the way ??
Thanks for the comments on u cliché and u#45. In u cliché... the cliché was in regards to it being a love poem and the lower case g was intentional as the person it was written to, obviously isn't God... but godlike if that makes sense. u #45 was just journal ramblings I decided to post. Just observations and thought driving down the ess rode to get milk and smokes.(I really am a simple poet). I appreciate your time.